Comments on: Possessive Boyfriend

By: emma

emma — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 15:03:36 +0000

hi everyone…

Please everyone I desperately need some help.. I am ruining my life.
I am going out with my boyfriend for 6 months now, our parents have already met and we decided to marry in two years time. We met at our workplace and we started liking each other.

But the problem is that i think he is too possessive jealous and easily angry. Everytime I have to go out with some friends or at a relative’s he doesnot let me. He says why not stay home and be with him. I cannot go out at all except with him. As we work together, we meet in the morning before work, at lunch time and after work. During these hours, I cannot go out at all with any friend from work, I always have to be with him, else he would say why I dont think of him.

I always have to phone and sms him all the time, else he would get angry and the day would go bad completely.

I have to fight for everything like time for studies, with my family and friends. I have neglected everything for him.

Please help me find a solution to this.

I really love him a lot but he is too egoistic and capricious..whatever he says its the law for me.
I dont want to lose him but I am finding it difficult to live like a prisoner.

By: sofia

sofia — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 06:58:48 +0000

Dear, NORAH: A man who comes from an Islamic background is not necessarily controlling. However, it is possible that many men who are Muslim use their religion as an excuse to validate their controlling personalities.. They do this with a woman who is not Muslim because she has no clue about the religion and they think she will just attribute it to his faith. I, myself am a Muslim woman and I hate it when those men do that. In Islam a woman has freedom to be herself and to pursue things that are her hobbies or desires as long as they do not put her in harm’s way. If you or somebody you know is involved with a Muslim man, then it will be helpful for you to know a woman’s rights in Islam: First of all we are free to express ourselves with our words and minds, we are free to eat out with our girlfriends or spend time with family and friends , women have a right to inheritance, vote, and they have a say in house hold affairs, the husband is requested to smile at his wife when she is distressed and fighting with him, this is a gesture of good will and charity.. (as a smile is charity) a woman is not to be beaten or harmed in anyway, in the Quran there is a verse that is worded like that where it seems the Quran is saying to beat your wife but this is not the context in which it should be taken. English is not able to capture the Arabic meaning of this verse ; the verse is saying that if you must chastise your woman then the means thru which you chastise her must feel to her like she’s being beaten with a flower.. which in Arabic is a poetic and beautiful meaning it’s not violent at all…I’m mentioning this so that the man in question here cannot use his violent streak (if he has one) as an excuse through The Book(Quran) As far as covering and dressing modestly goes, many Muslim men request or even require that of their women not because they are controlling, but because this is the Islamic way of dressing for a woman so that she doesn’t become a slave to promiscuous fashions or feel the need to show her body to validate her beauty. He is just protecting her self-worth as is Islam’s aim..but a controlling man sucks. If the man is Muslim and is controlling, trust me it is not the religion, it is his own insecure and wretched personality. You may see many eastern men, muslim or not, have this personality, let me just tell you, more often than not it is simply because they are eastern men in western society and they just do not know how to adjust to a culture shock . if they are born here then it is usually because they have a hard time balancing an eastern home life with a western academic /career life and they feel the need to have some control over something and usually a woman falls into that trap… just be patient and do not let an eastern man take you for a fool by using his conservative culture or religion as an excuse! I know its hard to resist those big brown eyes
good luck!!

By: reggie

reggie — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:28:23 +0000

i am so glad i read these comments cause i just met a gentlemen online, he started out as a net friend then told me he was working offshore in uk on some oil rig there, he leaves me post cards 3 and 4 aday in my emails, he talks to me for hours in internet till late i get so sleepy but he dont wont me to go to bed, he ask me everyday what i do, whom i have talked to if my phone rings are my doorbell buzz while we talkin on phone are in internet he questioning me whom is it what they want like that he told me he needs all my attentions and i should only talk to him and he ask me please not to engage in coversations with other men at all so now i feel lil bit sceptical about him feel scared after reading these post here it seems he have same ways as some of the women’s boyfriends here but now dont know what to do i think he dominant i dont really know yet he comming back to usa this sept 09 iam so nervous here

By: zozo

zozo — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 00:02:59 +0000

Ok-I got the same problem like the girl with the bf she met only online,but the difference is that I knew my bf before we bagan talking on the phone that long.I met him on the summer of 2007 in our country in Europe(we both were living in US).Then we were together for only 3 times(and only once only 2 of us.Then I went back in US and he too(we lived in different states)when called me and I liked that.I was so much into him.At first I liked him calling me all the time and talking w/ him on the phone,but then he bagan calling so often that I didn’t have time for myself.After couple of mo,finaly I told him that is not nessessary 4 him calling me all the time and we had a big fight about it,but finaly he got it.A year after we knew eachother I moved out with him.It was ok until my parents came and I wanted to spend more time with them and when I stayed with them he kept getting mad and saying that I’m ignoring him.I don’t know what to do-he’s really nice to me when we are together-but when I have to meet someone he’s so mean and bad.I don’t know if I can keep telling him about his jealousy or just leave him?he loves me so much that I’m scared if he will kill me if he sees me talking with somebody.

By: connie liang

connie liang — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 21:45:41 +0000

noah
relationship over

By: connie liang

connie liang — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 21:42:45 +0000

noah
why are so mean other women jelious of me i am to young go out
date with you not interest with you hurt me other women feel
badly blame you i start cry at home could sleep why did to me
feel unhappy excuse me turn a late class for severed dention
my teacher will don’t want my teacher me trouble but afriad
not invite my apartment see me don’t wat see you anymore weekend over let’s go and move on dump you next guy i want break up i am sorry relationship over stop look you tell rendell smith walk way from me keep igron you want to hurt me my feeling anything heartbroken my songwriter going to record studio producer think good voice hired me be concert apply summer music camp
omg
connie

By: A Wise Young Soul

A Wise Young Soul — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:24:00 +0000

(I meant fear FOR our lives or FOR anyone else’s life)

By: A Wise Young Soul

A Wise Young Soul — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:23:05 +0000

Kayla,

Trust your instincts. You, too, know what to do. You just have to find the courage to do it. The longer you wait to get out of this relationship, the harder it will be to leave it, though it can be done. As much as love can make us nervous, it should never make us fear our lives nor anyone else’s. We have instincts for a reason. Use yours…

By: Kayla

Kayla — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 15:00:10 +0000

I have a new boyfriend who is kinda possessive and will comment that he would ‘assissnate’ the people who are bothering me. I feel caged and I panic sometimes when he talks like that. He keeps wanting to meet with me alone, when no one is around.
What should I do?

By: A Wise Young Soul

A Wise Young Soul — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:52:35 +0000

Also R Bernadette,

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. If you don’t respect yourself, then no one else will treat you with respect. If you bring your child up in such a volatile environment, what will you be teaching that child about love? Break the cycle now, and don’t let you, or your child, become another statistic.