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• jade says:

  August 3, 2007 at 6:48 am

  I was in a relationship with a man who is the complete opposite of this. This man you are talking about sounds intriguing (still have his email??) Anyway, I have the same behavorial patterns and it just means that I want a lot of attention. Through experience, I’ve learned that I can make the person I am with show me more attention when I express to them how much other men want me. It is a fault of theirs that they respond this way. If you really love a person, their response should’ve been anger and willing to discuss why I behave the way I do. But no one I’ve met has even bothered getting to know me better…. Therefore you end up acting overly jealous and suspicious all the time.
  Trust me, it’s nice to be in a relationship with someone who is “jealous” or craving affection even if it’s in some weird twisted way, than it is to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t even think about things like that….

• Shanaa says:

  August 13, 2007 at 10:09 pm

  I have been and i am still in this situation that you are in. Yes possesive boyfriends will never change. It will get just worst and worst. My boyfriend/fiancee controls me so much to an extend that i cannot even walk out with my hair loose in public, and so and so forth. I am with him for 5 years so far. I have waited so long. Now, i dont know how to fix this problem. But things dont get any better.

• Cliff says:

  August 22, 2007 at 2:14 am

  These are early signs of an abuser, break it off before it get Physical these are very bad signs and bragging how other women want him is Narcissist behavour find someone new! And if this guy trys to get you back ignore any and all contact he will go away.
  Narcissist need to be fed attention or they get worse.

• Jessica says:

  October 1, 2007 at 12:51 pm

  wow.. thats all i can think to say… dont let anyone treat you like that!!! its your life you make your own choices.

• jade says:

  October 1, 2007 at 7:42 pm

  seriously! i want his email…

• Bridgette says:

  February 9, 2008 at 4:11 pm

  Please do not believe if a man cares for you that he will be jealous and possessive. That means that he has issues and is insecure. No matter who he dates, he is going to be like this so no you are not so special that he loves you oh so much that he can’t spend one second without you. That’s not it! His insecurites are causing him to monitor your every move not his love. Don’t fall for that crap..you will end up in someone’s ER room over a love that doesn’t exist. If a guy doesn’t have a life of his own and he is too involved with you, that person is not “wrapped tight” and needs to be left alone. My best friend is going through this right now and if she is not careful, she will HAVE to spend the rest of her life with, or risk him killing her because she wants to leave! They have only been dating for 5 weeks, this man has already proposed to her, calls her ten times a day if not more, pretty much stays at her house..I mean come on what is that? He calls her when they are apart because he wants to make sure there is no other men around her. What kind of love is that? That’s not love and he was like this with his other girlfriend.

  Please run as fast as you can. The longer you stay in this mess, the worst. Possessive behavior is the preview of physical abuse. These men don’t start beating the girlfriends on the first day! It is a process and one of the first steps is being overly possesive.

• NORAH says:

  July 20, 2008 at 11:06 pm

  What if it’s a religious thing? What if he comes from a strict islamic society where the rules for a relationship are different? What does one do then?

• Cat says:

  August 6, 2008 at 11:22 pm

  excissive jealousy is dangerous. my boyfriend started off so sweet, wanted to spend every moment either with me or on the phone…how cute.
  now, if i try to get any alone time im accused of cheating and not taking care of my man.
  the last time he put his hands on me was 1 month ago, and he wants to be rewarded daily for controlling his temper.
  im trapped. when we’re good its out of a fairytale and when its bad its my worst nightmare.
  we have been together for one year and i know i need to get out but i dont have the courage.
  please dont end up like me.

• R. Bernadette says:

  October 7, 2008 at 1:08 pm

  I was in denial for awhile about the relationship i am in. Until, my MOM had said something about his possessiveness, that is! It stinks, b/c i have a child with him! Before we got together, I had a boyfriend, but I knew i had feelings for Matt. We both knew we had a thing for one another. We had hooked up before, and I thought he as such a nice, good looking, guy. How looks can be decieving! I broke up w/ my ex for him (who i thought was clingy, until i met this one!!) I thought it was cute at first that he would come sit with me at work, pick me up all the time, etc. Before I knew it, we were together 24/7!!! Then i get pregnant……dont get me wrong, he’s the father of my child, and I love him to death, but I cannot do a THING by myself, or w/ my friends! The last time i went out to dinner w/ my girlfriends, he put up a big fight w/ me over it (in front of our neighbors, screaming at me!) etc.etc…..then stalked my friends phone (i lost my cell at the time) until i came home!But when we get into fights about it (me telling him he’s a jerk for not letting me go out w/ my friends, and using that exact time as an example of him trying to contro me) he says “Go ahead…go out w/ your friends. I don’t care, just find a BABYSITTER!”….CAN U BELIEVE THAT CRAP? He used to go out all the time w/ his friends to a bar we hang out at (my best friend bartends there)and leave me w/ our son, and she would call me to tell me he was there, and that i am stupid b/c he gets mad at me when I go out, but he could go there all the time, and he’s a jerk, and would say ‘leave him’…. We would fight about it all the time! My friends HATE him! When he used to come home drunk, we would get in arguments and he would beat on me alot. He stopped drinking and doesnt go out anymore b/c he crashed his car, not b/c he beat on me! The only reason I stay is b/c i am ashamed to go home to my mom w/ a baby….I’ve already put her through enough crap! I shouldnt have ignored the warning signs. He used to make remarks about other women (who he has slept w/ etc……celebrities who are hot…etc…until i would say stuff about guys, and he would get PISSED!)He would make fun of my exboyfriends all the time (when I saw pix his exes, and some of them are very scary looking, and his friends even say it) I would tell him he has no room to talk, and I’ve seen the pictures of his exes, and he would get really embarrassed and mad. He no longer does that. He has not beat on me in 7 months, and we get along better, but I have no freedom. I have to ask him before I do ANYTHING….even WORK! But him & his friends can golf on Saturday Mornings whenever they feel like it. His friends have even said things to me like “he can golf, but you cant work, that’s messed up!” I feel like an idiot. Even though we’ve been getting along better, what should I do? Is things going to get worse in the future? When I was pregnant, he would joke if i ever left him w/the baby he would put me in the gutter somewhere, and take the baby….when i left him for the first time, that’s the first time he beat on me………i get really confused. I love him one minute, and I wanna scream it him the next minute for all the stuff he has put me through….what do i do?

• A Wise Young Soul says:

  December 29, 2008 at 3:48 pm

  Dear R Bernadette,

  I think you know what to do, it’s just a matter of getting up the courage to do it and finding a safe place to go to. It seems you think your only two options are to go back to Mom or live with him. I would try researching some battered women’s shelters in your area. Their purpose is to help rehabilitate you from an abusive relationship and protect you from harm from the person who is hurting you. You may love your boyfriend, but he is not showing you that he loves you. He wants to control you because of his own insecurities. Love is a verb–it is in giving, in sacrificing, in supporting, in uplifting, in encouraging, in trusting, and in understanding. You are doing all those things for him, which shows me you may be loving him, but he is not doing that for you, which shows he is not loving you. Love wants you to be happy, not to leave you in fear and misery. You may not have enough respect for yourself to leave him for you, but you need to take into consideration there is now another life involved here. If you love your child as I’m sure you do, you will do what is best for your child before anyone else. With this in mind, I think you know what to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you…

• A Wise Young Soul says:

  December 29, 2008 at 3:52 pm

  Also R Bernadette,

  You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. If you don’t respect yourself, then no one else will treat you with respect. If you bring your child up in such a volatile environment, what will you be teaching that child about love? Break the cycle now, and don’t let you, or your child, become another statistic.

• Kayla says:

  January 4, 2009 at 11:00 am

  I have a new boyfriend who is kinda possessive and will comment that he would ‘assissnate’ the people who are bothering me. I feel caged and I panic sometimes when he talks like that. He keeps wanting to meet with me alone, when no one is around.
  What should I do?

• A Wise Young Soul says:

  January 14, 2009 at 8:23 pm

  Kayla,

  Trust your instincts. You, too, know what to do. You just have to find the courage to do it. The longer you wait to get out of this relationship, the harder it will be to leave it, though it can be done. As much as love can make us nervous, it should never make us fear our lives nor anyone else’s. We have instincts for a reason. Use yours…

• A Wise Young Soul says:

  January 14, 2009 at 8:24 pm

  (I meant fear FOR our lives or FOR anyone else’s life)

• connie liang says:

  January 18, 2009 at 5:42 pm

  noah
  why are so mean other women jelious of me i am to young go out
  date with you not interest with you hurt me other women feel
  badly blame you i start cry at home could sleep why did to me
  feel unhappy excuse me turn a late class for severed dention
  my teacher will don’t want my teacher me trouble but afriad
  not invite my apartment see me don’t wat see you anymore weekend over let’s go and move on dump you next guy i want break up i am sorry relationship over stop look you tell rendell smith walk way from me keep igron you want to hurt me my feeling anything heartbroken my songwriter going to record studio producer think good voice hired me be concert apply summer music camp
  omg
  connie

• connie liang says:

  January 18, 2009 at 5:45 pm

  noah
  relationship over

• zozo says:

  January 24, 2009 at 8:02 pm

  Ok-I got the same problem like the girl with the bf she met only online,but the difference is that I knew my bf before we bagan talking on the phone that long.I met him on the summer of 2007 in our country in Europe(we both were living in US).Then we were together for only 3 times(and only once only 2 of us.Then I went back in US and he too(we lived in different states)when called me and I liked that.I was so much into him.At first I liked him calling me all the time and talking w/ him on the phone,but then he bagan calling so often that I didn’t have time for myself.After couple of mo,finaly I told him that is not nessessary 4 him calling me all the time and we had a big fight about it,but finaly he got it.A year after we knew eachother I moved out with him.It was ok until my parents came and I wanted to spend more time with them and when I stayed with them he kept getting mad and saying that I’m ignoring him.I don’t know what to do-he’s really nice to me when we are together-but when I have to meet someone he’s so mean and bad.I don’t know if I can keep telling him about his jealousy or just leave him?he loves me so much that I’m scared if he will kill me if he sees me talking with somebody.

• reggie says:

  August 26, 2009 at 10:28 pm

  i am so glad i read these comments cause i just met a gentlemen online, he started out as a net friend then told me he was working offshore in uk on some oil rig there, he leaves me post cards 3 and 4 aday in my emails, he talks to me for hours in internet till late i get so sleepy but he dont wont me to go to bed, he ask me everyday what i do, whom i have talked to if my phone rings are my doorbell buzz while we talkin on phone are in internet he questioning me whom is it what they want like that he told me he needs all my attentions and i should only talk to him and he ask me please not to engage in coversations with other men at all so now i feel lil bit sceptical about him feel scared after reading these post here it seems he have same ways as some of the women’s boyfriends here but now dont know what to do i think he dominant i dont really know yet he comming back to usa this sept 09 iam so nervous here

• sofia says:

  October 3, 2009 at 2:58 am

  Dear, NORAH: A man who comes from an Islamic background is not necessarily controlling. However, it is possible that many men who are Muslim use their religion as an excuse to validate their controlling personalities.. They do this with a woman who is not Muslim because she has no clue about the religion and they think she will just attribute it to his faith. I, myself am a Muslim woman and I hate it when those men do that. In Islam a woman has freedom to be herself and to pursue things that are her hobbies or desires as long as they do not put her in harm’s way. If you or somebody you know is involved with a Muslim man, then it will be helpful for you to know a woman’s rights in Islam: First of all we are free to express ourselves with our words and minds, we are free to eat out with our girlfriends or spend time with family and friends , women have a right to inheritance, vote, and they have a say in house hold affairs, the husband is requested to smile at his wife when she is distressed and fighting with him, this is a gesture of good will and charity.. (as a smile is charity) a woman is not to be beaten or harmed in anyway, in the Quran there is a verse that is worded like that where it seems the Quran is saying to beat your wife but this is not the context in which it should be taken. English is not able to capture the Arabic meaning of this verse ; the verse is saying that if you must chastise your woman then the means thru which you chastise her must feel to her like she’s being beaten with a flower.. which in Arabic is a poetic and beautiful meaning it’s not violent at all…I’m mentioning this so that the man in question here cannot use his violent streak (if he has one) as an excuse through The Book(Quran) As far as covering and dressing modestly goes, many Muslim men request or even require that of their women not because they are controlling, but because this is the Islamic way of dressing for a woman so that she doesn’t become a slave to promiscuous fashions or feel the need to show her body to validate her beauty. He is just protecting her self-worth as is Islam’s aim..but a controlling man sucks. If the man is Muslim and is controlling, trust me it is not the religion, it is his own insecure and wretched personality. You may see many eastern men, muslim or not, have this personality, let me just tell you, more often than not it is simply because they are eastern men in western society and they just do not know how to adjust to a culture shock . if they are born here then it is usually because they have a hard time balancing an eastern home life with a western academic /career life and they feel the need to have some control over something and usually a woman falls into that trap… just be patient and do not let an eastern man take you for a fool by using his conservative culture or religion as an excuse! I know its hard to resist those big brown eyes
  good luck!!

• emma says:

  March 21, 2010 at 11:03 am

  hi everyone…

  Please everyone I desperately need some help.. I am ruining my life.
  I am going out with my boyfriend for 6 months now, our parents have already met and we decided to marry in two years time. We met at our workplace and we started liking each other.

  But the problem is that i think he is too possessive jealous and easily angry. Everytime I have to go out with some friends or at a relative’s he doesnot let me. He says why not stay home and be with him. I cannot go out at all except with him. As we work together, we meet in the morning before work, at lunch time and after work. During these hours, I cannot go out at all with any friend from work, I always have to be with him, else he would say why I dont think of him.

  I always have to phone and sms him all the time, else he would get angry and the day would go bad completely.

  I have to fight for everything like time for studies, with my family and friends. I have neglected everything for him.

  Please help me find a solution to this.

  I really love him a lot but he is too egoistic and capricious..whatever he says its the law for me.
  I dont want to lose him but I am finding it difficult to live like a prisoner.

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