My Boyfriend Talks About His Ex All the Time
Ask FreeloveMD | June 19, 2008
9 Comments
My boyfriend talks about his ex’s all the time. I don’t know what to do it drives me crazy and feel unimportant!
You need to confront him on this issue and understand his purpose for always talking about his past relationships. If you don’t get a clear answer then you need to move on and find someone who is focused on you and only you.
Caroline says:
July 10, 2008 at 11:26 am
tell him to stop talking bout his ex’s or it is over’ but 99% of the time it will work
maria says:
July 18, 2008 at 2:54 am
I have the same problem and it’s very frustrating.
It sure doesn’t make me feel special. Besides when we are out on a date and he brings the ex subject is like we are 3 going on a date. I believe is because they are not totally over the relationship yet. Obviously if he talks about her is because she’s on his mind, i don’t know if in a negative or positive way but still in his mind. Truth is i’m not prepared to compete with his ex, the situation is not getting better either , therefore i’ll have to walk away from the relationship. They don’t give you another choice, i can’t enjoy my relationship and give (or get) 100% because of some ghost from the past?? it isn’t fear. I’m ready to throw the towel and it sounds as if you are getting there.
sharon says:
July 20, 2009 at 10:40 am
LORD HAVE MERCY!!!! I know the feeling my spouse talks about his ex’s all the time and then turn and ask me about mine, Im like I don’t wanna talk about them, that is in the past so let’s leave it there. I don’t wanna hear about his and I don’t wanna talk about mine. What does this mean he is still having a problem letting them go or what? I have been getting sick and tired of hearing this. What should I do ?
Heather says:
August 26, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Mine talked about his ex all the time also. I bit my tongue for about 5 months. Finally I just really reamed him out one day. He said that he will talk about whatever the f$&k he wants- exact words. BUT, he must not have wanted to talk about her because he never brought her up again. That was almost 3 months ago.
The damage is done though, it still really hurts.
Kathy says:
February 14, 2010 at 9:18 pm
Wow!!! Just finished reading the posts here and before reading, my guy made me feel like I was the one with the problem..blah, blah, blah. I knew (intuition and experience) that he still was not emotionally divorced from his ex-wife but I still moved forward trying to see only the good in him, as a person, and not his past life. He would talk about his ex-wife A LOT. He has a young child with his ex so they are in constant communication. He is so angry about what she and her mother did to him during the relationship. I thought after two months of us dating that he would be able to see the good in our relationship and heal from the past. Boy, was I ever wrong!!! All through the relationship I had to deal with his issues from his ex..he would get close to me and then pull away. I became quite worn out of walking in his ex-wife’s shadow of the abuse she instilled upon him. Anyway, this past Friday (2/13/10), I shared with him how he had been treating me. At first I thought it was a mistake in telling him but now I realize how much of a blessing it was. He blew up at me, not understanding where I was coming from, he said a few “choice words” and said, “We are done.” He told me he had been in counseling for two years because of her. That was probably the biggest red flag…how did I miss that one!!!…lol. So very happy now!! Best of luck to you all!! Thanks for listening.
Amanda says:
March 6, 2010 at 1:54 am
I had that very same problem as all of you my now ex bf would talk about his ex a lot and when he saw her at the store or near his house he’d be like there is so and so and would seemingly follow her in the store. I just turned 24 in January and he turned 37 3 weeks later and he was my first real boyfriend. I met him at a mutual friends party in August and we started talking on the phone and texting. He automatically thought we were dating from the first day I met him. We dated for 3 months and then I moved in with him after him nagging me, and he lives four hours away and in a different state then I do. Things were good when we didn’t live together except for Halloween the town he lives in has a Halloween Parade and he brought me to meet friends of his but he also brought me to a friend who was having a party that the ex was at to make her jealous. From what I understand they were together for 5 years and she has two kids around my age that he calls his step kids even though they were never married. I didn’t mind him talking about them I just didn’t want to hear about their mother all the flipping time. And he liked to accuse me of cheating which I would never do to anyone, and he didn’t tell his family I was living with him (he lied to me and my family about that as well he told us that they knew). After living with him for a few days his whole attitude changed, he started getting mentally and emotionally abusive with me so a week after I moved in I moved out. The day I moved out we had a huge fight about him talking about his ex a lot and the whole family thing and he denied all of it blaming me saying he could deal with my emotions. A week after I moved out we started talking and were gonna try the friend thing. But on my birthday he asked when in a text when I was moving back in and the next day he implied he slept with some chick he met at the bar or a party. Now he sporadically texts or calls me and won’t leave me alone after I repeatedly told him to piss off.
Beth says:
June 12, 2010 at 11:27 pm
Thank you so much for these posts. I’m currently with a guy who was married for almost a decade and she cheated on him then left him for the other man. They have been divorced for only a year and he still talks to her on a regular basis. She sends him pictures via text and calls him to talk about the other guy she is now with. To top things off, he often refers to his wedding day and makes it seem like such a perfect, blissful day. I’ve talked to him about it and he said he won’t give up “his best friend.” Then he said that I don’t understand because I have never been in such a relationship. I’m able to look around and see that he does not have a normal relationship with an ex-wife when there are no children involved. Last night I finally got fed up with hearing about his perfect wedding. He’s such a nice, kind guy, but I think that I need to leave him because he is just not over his ex. I also feel like I’m just a sex object to him, which makes me feel very crappy inside. I wish that I had left him when he told me he was newly divorced, but at the time he told me he no longer communicated with her. I was clearly stupid for trusting him. Honestly, I think that these guys have ex-wives that are selfish and manipulative. I’m fairly certain that his ex-wife started calling him once she learned that he was with me. It seems to me that she just wants his attention and doesn’t want him dating anyone else. If he cannot see her true intentions, then it is best for me to move on. I’m not going to fight with him about some girl I’ve never met and never want to meet. Sad ending for me; happy ending for her. She can have her cake and eat it too!
Rochelle says:
August 16, 2010 at 10:41 am
I’ve had the same problem with the guy i was recently with. Everytime we were together he would talk about his ex girlfriends. Last night I found out from his bestfriend who is also a girlfriend of mine, that he kept in contact with the one before me. He told his bestfriend that him and i were just friends and that he was considering taking the next step with his ex, getting married to her and taking care of her kid as he would his. When i confronted him about it, he admitted to talking to his ex on a daily basis and claimed it wasn’t a big deal. It was to me. I just couldn’t handle all that stress so i broke up with him. It hurts so bad because he acts like he doesn’t care. It’s obvious he still has feelings for her and i don’t want to have to take the back seat. I hope that woman tears his heart to pieces just like he did mine.
Agnes says:
August 30, 2010 at 8:34 am
I guess I’m not the one with this BF with Ex-Wife and his Ex-Girlfriend issue.. My boyfriend has been divorced for 10 years and still dealing with his divorce. Few days ago, I found out that he cheated on his wife with his ex-Girlfriend and his ex-Girlfriend left him for another man or what ever.. In the beginning of a relationship, I didn’t know what was the story behind him and his women issue.. But I just know I’m just so sick and tired of listening to him talking about his ex and how evil and user she is.. Before I knew what happend, I felt kinda sympathy for him cause he did his best for his ex wife and his daughter.. But now I know the full story, I can completely understand where his ex-wife is coming from.
What’s worst is that he had hide me for few years cause he was too conscious about his social status, and I just told him yesterday, that I don’t ever want to hear him talk about any other women. I’m sick of it, and I’m half way done already. Honestly, I’m already done with him, and looking forward to find my peace.. How pathetic he is..