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Ask FreeloveMD Archive » Is It Time To Leave This Relationship?

Is It Time To Leave This Relationship?

Ask FreeloveMD | May 8, 2008

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Is it time to leave this relationship? I have been married for 25 years. My husband is an anxious, controlling, rigid person who has used approval and affection (and sex) as a means of control. There has been no emotional or physical intimacy for at least 10 years, since I rebelled and refused to be dictated to any longer. I have stayed mainly to insure that my two children would receive the educations and opportunities that they deserved. Now that they are in their 20s, I find myself longing for freedom yet don’t feel I deserve it. I have elderly parents who need my support as well and feel nothing but shame about wanting to escape my life because I accepted whatever benefits they and my husband had to offer. I have been a good and supportive daughter, mother, wife and friend and put others first 90% of the time. It feels like I’ve lived someone else’s life all this time and sometimes seems like the only way out is death.

A wise man once said that if a relationship is positive 51% of the time it’s worth staying in it and working at it. The point being that nothing is 100% perfect all the time. You seem to have fallen way below that percentage and then some. There are obviously many trade offs in life and you shouldn’t feel guilty. It sounds like you’ve given of yourself in every way. Before you leave the marriage set up a game plan. Try to establish yourself with a job (unless you already have one), a place to stay and a general blueprint of your plans. Start living for you. Not only will it make you feel better with a brighter and healthier outlook on life, it will make your interactions with others better as well. Start today. Good luck.

This question was answered by Joe, a love expert and FreeloveMD contributor.

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