You obviously have a problem with alcohol and controlling yourself. You need to stop drinking. Have you looked into alcohol support groups? Until you gain control there will be an ongoing risk to you and any relationship you’re in. You can’t undo what you’ve done. When you do things that are not good, it doesn’t mean you’re automatically a bad person. But if you realize your mistake and then put yourself in the same situation again and again you’re just not being smart, and if people (especially your boyfriend) find out you’ll be labeled as a certain type of person and it will be very difficult to get rid of that label. If your boyfriend finds out about the latest situation you deserve whatever the consequences might be. Make a pact with yourself to draw the line and start new habits that don’t tempt you. Do it now before it’s too late.