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I Do Not Trust My Boyfriend

Ask FreeloveMD | April 13, 2009

4 Comments

I do not trust by boyfriend! We have been together for a year and a half and you would think at this point I would trust him especially since he has done absolutely nothing to make me not trust him. I mean this is going to sound ridiculous but he has a lot of girls that are friends and also a lot ex girlfriends. I have this huge issue with Facebook. A lot of girls message him, nothing suspicious, but it bothers me. He also will send some of them a stupid little message, also nothing suspicious, but he will never send me anything. I know that sounds stupid, because I am his girlfriend but I just wonder why he is sending these particular girls things. I don’t know who some of the girls are. I mean it does say on his page that we are in a relationship. And I don’t want to ask him why he interacts with these girls and not me on Facebook because he normally tells me how ridiculous a question it is and that its just Facebook. I guess a huge factor of this could be my own insecurities, always thinking that he can find better. Another thing that has been bothering me a lot is that after being together for a year and a half neither of us has said “I love you”. I definitely feel it and want to say it but also know if I say it and he doesn’t say it back I will feel crushed and I don’t want to feel that way because I know a ton of questions will rush through my head. But he’s also the type that probably won’t say it till I do. Do you think it is odd that we haven’t said I love you after being together this long? Do you think because I’m holding in these feelings it could be contributing to the insecurities I have with our relationship. I don’t know. I know my jealousy is not warranted, but I don’t know how to stop it. Sometimes I think so much about stupid things like Facebook that I get physically sick. I’m just always so worried I’m going to do something wrong that it will end out relationship and I’m so worried that I’ll be blind sided with something he is possibly hiding!

Stop playing defense and worrying about what he’ll say. It sounds like you need to have a conversation with him about your relationship and where it’s headed. During the conversation you could say something like, ” you know I love you and want to be with you.” In other words, it’s mentioned in a type of non emotional way. Relationships need to be examined and talked about on an ongoing basis. Any relationship is a type of gamble, in that you’re never sure exactly what’s going to happen. That’s why the more honest and open you are the less questions you’ll have. As far as the Facebook thing one word, ego. He, like most people, likes to have his ego stroked. It feels good and makes him feel like he’s desirable. If he’s serious about you he needs to take your feelings into account and cut back on what amounts to simple flirtation.

This question was answered by Joe, a love expert and FreeloveMD contributor.

4 Comments So Far

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  • ivan says:
    April 18, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    for the most part it would seem that your
    boyfreind finds face book an escape from
    his current lifestyle,why would he comment
    you on it when he can converse with you
    on a more palpable level ,if he told you
    stuff online he would have less to say when you are together,as for your trust issues,if you dont trust him why are you with him,things like that can suffocate
    a person ,how do you look him in the eyes
    if all you think is that hes at it .at a guess without full disclosure i would think that your relationship probably
    started at somebody elses emotional expense and thats why you have feelings of doubt. talk through your issues in a calm manner if you cant then move on.
    that type of thing mixed with alcohol
    will lead to trouble .i went out with
    someone who made those asumtions and
    it was her who was the infedel i found out . i think that its all about you
    if you love somebody ,you love them
    no matter what ,why would it make a difference wether you tell him or not
    or wether he says it back to you,some people can tell you they love you although
    its not true ,or because they think its what you want to hear,when the penny drops
    its just another reason for an argument
    not knowing anything about you or your guy
    ,i say just tell him what you have to tell him and make your judgments on his
    reaction instead of trying to anticipate
    his reaction,i dont think you`ll be satisfied any which way there sounds like much too much ego involved in your relationship. thats on both sides,face book tickles his ,and you sound as though
    you like to play with commitment but not commit ,but like i said talking things through as opposed to getting on his case
    will help ,and lastly i have recently
    come to the conclusion that love is not
    in us its something that we make,so work on
    making your love work for you and not allowing your doubts make it work against you.
    good luck
    ivan

  • sahara says:
    May 7, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    is he playing me

  • Johnny says:
    May 13, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Trust is the important factor in all relationships and if you do not trust someone while you are in a relationship, it will be hard for the relationship to last long. Here my 2 cents and hope it helps :)

  • lena says:
    May 18, 2009 at 4:15 am

    I believe if there is no trust, there is something wrong in the relationship. Not the fault of the girl here though, the guy has done absolutely nothing to assure her that she should not worry. The best way in every relationship is to talk things over. instead of asking people around I would ask him directly what does this relationship mean to him and if he is ready to reduce his contacts with other girls for the sake of this healthy relationship they are having now

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