I Am Torn Between My Husband And My Ex
Ask FreeloveMD | September 26, 2008
7 Comments
I am torn between my husband and my ex-boyfriend. I am 34 and have been married for 4 years and we have a 2 year old. My husband and I have been together since I was 22. Before my husband I dated my ex for a year. At the time it didn’t work out as he wasn’t ready for what I was. We have been best friends ever since. I have never stopped loving him since the day I met him. I moved on since he wasn’t ready for all that I was and I met my husband. Three weeks before I got married my ex professed his love for me. Told me that I am the love of his life and soul mate. I felt exactly the same and had since the day I met him, but went on with my life as I had NO IDEA he felt the same for 10 years. He is also good friends with my husband. We haven’t talked about the way we feel since he told me 3 weeks before I got married, but to this day I cant stop thinking about it. I am still in love with him and don’t know what to do. I love my husband very much and can’t imagine a life without him, but I am not in love with him. I thought the feelings would go away, but after 15 years they haven’t at all. If anything they have grown stronger. I don’t know what to do. Cutting him out of my life is not an option for me. Need your help please.
Amber says:
October 3, 2008 at 10:49 pm
I dont think you should go after your ex boyfriend, even though you may love him. Like I understand from what your going through between having strong feelings for two guys but there is a reason why you and him broke up. If it was meant to be with your ex, he would of been your husband now, and if he really loved you, he would have been ready for you. Think about it.. You would do anything for the person you love. Pluse you only dated for a year..And you were with your husband for awhile now, and your husband loves you. If I was you, maybe talk about it with your ex boyfriend about how he feels about you, and talk about how it ended; before getting a divorce with your husband. You might regret it in the future if you ex boyfriend dumps you again!! And your husband is not there, and if he does not come back to you. Sorry if thats not really helping you, but I would stay with your husband.. And think it through about the consequences of divorce and all of that.
Tab says:
March 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I have never been in love with my husband. I was raised very strickly and I was obedient. I feel I never had a life of my own. I loved another deeply, but my mom did not approve. So
I married the one she liked. I have three children with my husband,out of duty as a wife. I was a good mom, I took good care of my young ones. I vowed to raise them well, but never forbid them to make decisions for themselves. Now the children are adults and married. I feel I have nothing left in my life, except these children and grandkids. I have found someone, whom I care deeply about. he is married and has said he will not leave his wife, cause he loves her. I am torn between this affair. I should leave my lover, but I truly care about him. Only u can make this descion. Think it over well, dear. Good Luck
jen says:
July 16, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I agree with Joe… I think you are fantasizing about the “one that got away”. I think it was unfair of the ex to drop that kind of bomb on you 3 weeks before you got married. His intensions may not be what they appear to be. You could have been his “backup gal” if he didn’t find Mrs Right and you getting married takes you out of his options. There was a reason it has not been talked about in 4 years. Think about it. Keep it as a story to tell when your old and gray.. you know…..braging rights, two guys wanting to be with you.
There was a reason you declined his profound love for you and you went ahead with your wedding. Don’t let the “what ifs” and the fantasy trick your heart into thinking you are inlove with him. Just put the love for him and all your fond memories of him in a special place in your heart as good memories. Put all your energy into your relationship with your husband… you love him…. dont let the old memories and feelings cover and smuther your love for your husband and family.
jen says:
July 16, 2009 at 3:21 pm
This comment is for Tab. My dear gal…. you are in quite a pickle there. The best thing you could do is walk away from the affair. Don’t be the “other women”. Sounds like this guy is NOT so great. If he is willing to cheat on his wife with you then he is a lying snake and not worth your time.
lisa says:
September 2, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Just like the first poster sad…. “you would do ANYTHING for the one you love!!!” There is your answer. To many times people are afraid to take chances in life. And are never truly happy. Have you ever seen the movie “Bridges of madison County”? I know it is just a movie but has a message. I am not one to condone divorce or anything but you need to be with who you love!
sweetie says:
September 30, 2009 at 5:26 am
Yes follow your heart!
Jess says:
July 16, 2010 at 11:29 pm
The problem with moving forward with your ex is two-fold. One: You have zero guarantees that he will be committed to you. Two: You can actually build love with your husband regardless of whether you are/were “in love” with him. This principle has worked for thousands of years with arranged marriages, and you even got to pick him based on attraction and some level of mutual feelings! Your husband loves you, he is the father of your children, and he has actually stood by you as you have been a bit fickle and light-headed. This man deserves your respect. Now go and give that guy some loving!