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• G-man says:

  June 23, 2007 at 8:55 am

  I have to say that my wife has similar issues with one of my female friends with whom I work. I have to stop being friendly with this woman to save my marriage, because this is all my wife worries about. I wish she could be so calm when she wants to talk to me about anything, as FreeloveMD shared in the answer.

• Crystal says:

  July 4, 2007 at 4:13 pm

  Don’t be afraid to vocalize your concern. I didn’t with my husband’s “friend” from high school that he only dated a few months and mom “forced” him to go to prom with it. I trusted my husband completely, but admist our arguing over our new found responsibilities as parents, he became closer to her and told her how much he carried for her and how he wished he would have married her. He told her that he would rather be with her and he even talked about going home to NC to meet up with her. I found all of this out in e-mail. I beat him up!!! We are still married, but he cannot go to NC alone ever.

• Jdizzle says:

  July 6, 2007 at 11:22 am

  I can TOTALLY relate to this. My current boyfriend is still really good friends with his ex-wife whom he had divorced 10 years ago. Sure they’ve known each other since high school. I’ve actually become friends with her and I think she’s a decent person. However, sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend still has feelings for her. He always runs to her for advice. He claims it’s since they know each other so well, which makes sense. But this last weekend we were at a BBQ and it almost felt like he was hanging out with her more than me. I’ve asked him if he still has feelings for her and he swears he doesn’t. It just seems odd sometimes.

• Jenn says:

  July 10, 2007 at 10:28 pm

  I’m having the same insecurities with my boyfriend. He has a lot of girl-friends and any chance he gets he checks his hi5 account and signs into his IM. I just wonder, just how much can one talk about with these girls. And some are exes which I do not like. I am guilty of snooping into his account and emails. Not good I know, but I have found some interesting emails that he has sent and I cannot believe he has had the disrespect to write and send them. I want to confront him, but I don’t have the courage because that mean I have to tell him that I was snooping around.

• Jim says:

  July 13, 2007 at 4:55 pm

  Some of your comments disturb me. Your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse should never ever run to their Ex or any member of the opposite sex for that matter for advice or hangout with a them. This tells me that they don’t respect you and I think it is a form of cheating. If I had to do it over again I would have never married my current wife because she used to hangout with guys before we got married and now I am wondering if she was lying to me way back then and they were doing more then just hanging out. My story goes something like this. After 20 years of marriage My wife decided to befriend a young boy whom she worked with who was half her age. It didn’t bother me to much at first mainly because of the age difference. Then I begin to notice they were flirting and hugging each other goodbye. She seemed to be seeking him out. I tried to talk to her camly about by telling her how I felt but she would get very mad at me for thinking there was something going on between them. She would always say that he flirted with every women and it was just fun and there was nothing wrong with it. She had me pretty much convinced it was ok and that they were just friends and after all he was my friend too. I dropped it and let it go but then found out months later there was more going on between them but by then it was too late he had got what he wanted from her(a notch in his belt) and then dumped her for a girl his own age leaving her to lay in a pool of her own sick guilt. This was done to me after 20 years of a pretty darn good marriage.
  Just about a year before all this happened she had even told me that she had never felt closer to me and that our marriage had never been better. I agreed with her and she was right. We were having more fun together, our son was growing up and becoming a fine young man, we had purchased a new house and had money in the bank and our sex life was never better. All seemed well. Go figure. All it took was a young kid whispering things in her ear that she wanted to hear and she fell for it hook line and sinker. According to her It meant so much to her that he was saying those things because number one he was so much younger then her and number two he seemed so sincere because he had nothing to gain from complimenting her all she knew was it was making her feel 21 again and so good about herself. On the other hand I was just her husband and I was supposed to say those things to her so it didn’t mean anything to her anymore when I did. I have taken a look at myself and yes I could have been saying more of those things to her and yes maybe I did take her for granted but what she did was about the worse thing a person can do to their spouse. She not only ruined a good marriage and shatter my trust in her and probably people in general she also hurt herself very badly and has fallen into a deep depression and will not seek therapy. It has been a year and a half and she is still not right and believe it or not she still seeks to be this boys friend. She still thinks she has something to say to him. He dosen’t want to talk to her about it at all. She and I are back together again but I really don’t know how much longer I can stick it out. I have been hiding my bitterness from her for several months now. Part of me still wants to lash out but I know that will only make matter worse. She tells me she loves me, etc. but there is no sex and to me it feels like I am the one trying to make things work and she is just using me for money and giving back very little. Sometimes I think the love is still there but most of the time it feels like the love is dead and the bad thing is that we have a 16 year old son that would be greatly affected if we split. What a soap opera she has turned our lives into. What the hell did I do to deserve her. Now I feel like I am trapped mainly because of money.

• Missy says:

  September 24, 2008 at 8:44 am

  My husband of 20 plus years also has a friend I know he has a crush on. He’s 42 and she is 24. They met at work about 4 months ago. He texts her constantly and twice that I know of he has left our home to visit with her and see a movie with her.I did find an email indicating that they shared a kiss already. He said that they had a few beers and they kissed but it will never happen again. I’ve told him how much it hurts me and how disrespectful it is to me and our marriage. He says “she is just a friend” and that they share common interest such as music etc.. Later this week they are going to listen to music together again. I told him I don’t want him to go and he tells me that I must not trust him and “what kind of marriage do we have without trust.

  I want to believe him but my instincts tell me he is being unfaithful. I can’t believe I’m in this situation.

• letieg says:

  October 22, 2008 at 12:57 am

  I’m 45 and am married to a great man, we are very happy and there is not a day that goes by that we don’t remind each other of our love for each other. The last four years I developed an illness and has really taken a toll. He is always conforting me day and night we have a towing business so when he is out on a call he always rushes home to me, I have been feeling so bad for him because I am always sick and he never complains of anything I don’t do or do, I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life, I have been feeling guilty and have asked for him to find friends to go out with males or females and he never accepts, he is with me every minute just spoiling and tending to me, when I am asleep I feel him lying next to me caressing my face with so much affection. Coinsidently an old friend of his recently lost her husband which was one my husband’s best friends, she called one time and starting talking with me but I know it wasn’t me she really wanted to talk to so I asked her if she’d like to talk to my husband since they had more in common (her husband) so they have talked more frequent when she calls I turn the phone over to my husband and I don’t feel jealous, I feel he needs to have a friend as much as she does. I totally trust him that I have asked him to take her out to dinner or something and he refuses I don’t want to waste his prime, he is such a great man he deserves to be happy. I believe that a friend can be healthy as long as you are told everything that is going on. By all means I don’t feel disrespected actually I feel like the mature one in this scene, and my husband just appreciates how I am handling this, and says to me I am one of a kind. The great thing is I believe him.

• nirmala says:

  November 18, 2008 at 1:37 am

  husband was seeing another girl whom i came to know n he denied t relationship. but each time tey both meet. my insting tells me he’s cheating on me. when i find out ‘its always been true. many occasion i had to apologise to that girl. for me confronting her about their true. He has swear upon many times he’s not sleepin but i think tey both had sex.

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  March 7, 2009 at 7:41 pm

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  March 7, 2009 at 7:44 pm

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• ahmad yousefzadeh says:

  March 7, 2009 at 7:47 pm

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• ahmad yousefzadeh says:

  March 7, 2009 at 7:49 pm

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• Angie says:

  March 27, 2009 at 1:50 pm

  Well here is my story. Me and my husband have been married for 5 years. We have a son together, 3 yrs old and another son that he adopted from my prior marriage, 9 years old. We had a good relationship or so I thought. Right before my sons adopton was final I came across instant messages (really bad ones)that he had been writing to alot of different girls. They were messages like he was thinking of her while he was having sex with me,inviting her over to our house while my 3 yr old was asleep, etc. When I found out my whole world seemed to not exist. He told me his reasoning was he wanted to see if he still had it and I wasnt giving him enough sex. So, I tried to be what he wanted and then ex-girlfriends and other girls that he said were just friends he starts texting with on the cellphone. Just recently, I caught him texting a girl from our hometown that we had seen in a resturant a month ago. He said she too was just a friend and that he was just trying to find out why her and her ex got divorced. I asked him how he got her # and he said he got a friend at work to call her work to find out her cellphone #. I confronted her and she told me he had been calling her sexy, telling her times to call and not to call and that he wanted to kiss her so he could get closure. He was also into internet pornography really bad. He says that it is normal to have girls that are friends and that I am too jealous and controling. I tell him that I dont like him to talking to other woman behind my back and he acts like he doesnt care. He shows me affection all the time and is really a good husband this is the only problem I have. Can anybody tell me what the hell is going on?

• Renee says:

  August 8, 2009 at 1:28 pm

  I’ve been with my husband since high school so 16 years now but we’ve only been married for the last 3 and for the first 12 years I never had doubts about his loyalty and I trusted him 100% because he never gave me any reason to not. I always felt like I was so lucky that I had a solid relationship and that I didn’t have to worry about him cheating on me. I knew he loved me and I thought we were meant for eachother UNTIL…..about 2 years ago I was doing his laundry and I happen to feel something in one of his pockets. It felt like a stack of paper so I pulled it out and there standing in the laundry room I almost feel to the floor. He wrote 2 letters about my sister. They were as detailed as I’ve ever read anything. He said he would love to make love with her for hours, make her cum, and so on and on. He said he hopes no one finds out and that he want to make her feel real good. I almost died. Literally. My whole world turned up side down and after 12 years of walking on clouds and feeling so lucky, it was shattered. There were 2 different letters. He never gave them to her, it just like he was thinking these things and just had to write them down or something. I didn’t know what to do at that point. The ironic thing, it was Easter Day and I had 40 people on the way to my house for an Easter dinner. His family by the way. So I called him into our bedroom and I must of been as white as a ghost because he knew something was up the minute I called him in. I pulled them out and he then turned white. He didn’t know what to say. I mean really, what do you say when you write down that you want to satisfy your sister-in-law in every way. He talked about things and I told him we would need therapy and I told him he changed me. I will never took at him the same way again. I felt ashamed, hurt, scared, mad, emmbarrested, humiliated, I just didn’t understand. This came out left field. So of course like most women, I started to self reflect, is it me. What did I do? What didn’t I do? What’s wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Why my sister? And so on, I just didn’t understand this. I thought I knew him. And the hardest part of this whole thing for me is, I am a very confident woman and I am the type to never change for a man or anyone else and there I sat wondering what I need to do to fix this. That’s where anger came in, why the fuck should I have to change when I didn’t do anything wrong. He pulled everything that I thought we had right from under me and I didn’t even see it coming. And the answer I got was, we weren’t having sex very much (during a usual marriage dry spell) and one day my sister came over to go swimming and she looked good to him. What the hell? I did the only thing I knew to do was to try to rebuild this relationship since it was an isolated instance. We talked and seemed to have gotten closer and we moved on. We never did go to therapy, I guess I figured it never went anywhere and it only happened once I think we’ll be o.k. Now, I still feel weird when my sister’s over. She doesn’t know anything but I just feel a bit of tension in the room if my sister and my husband are in the same room. So 2 years later, our relationship is going ok but I do to this day think about those damn letters at least once a week. I just can’t help it. I don’t tell him that but the pain and anger and shame I still feel is there. I mean, what’s wrong with me. I carry that around with me all the time. Again, he doesn’t know this but the hurt and pain and dishonesty is still there. So, I get home yesterday and get on my computer and just happen to look in the internet history page and what do I see, him searching for one of his friends’s ex-girlfriend. Oh my god, why???? So before I over reacted I ask him, calmly and with no tone because then he would think something’s up, why were you looking for XXX and isn’t that Henry’s ex-girlfriend? He said, no I was searching for something for my sister. There was something about his tone that just didn’t sit well with me. We went to dinner and when we got home I started searching around and what did I find, a picture of Henry’s ex-girlfriend and what’s her name, XXX. I was so mad. When this girl was around (about 5 years ago) I didn’t like her much. I mean she was nice but I didn’t like the way my husband seemed really nice to her. Something about the way he was to her bothered me. I can’t explain why, let’s just say it’s a wife’s gut feeling. She moved away and we never heard from her, great I say!!! After 20 minutes of me asking him point blank, were you looking up Henry’s ex-girlfriend XXX, he said no 40 times. No, no, and no. Then I walked over to the computer and opened the picture I found (it was just her on facebook), he said I was looking her up, I was looking for someone named XXX for my sister. So I said, her sister’s friend is the EXACT same name as Henry’s ex. Are you going to sit here and lie to my face. That’s when his body changed and he got up and said he didn’t want to talk to me. I knew I hit something. He sat up there and lied 40 times to my face and I pretty much begged him to not lie and he still did. After 2 hours of talking, I realize we weren’t getting anywhere so I went to bed.

  Now, after all that I do have a question to put out there. What if your husband thinks about other women? Never has done anything but just thinking about them. I mean, do you think it’s wrong for him to write about it and search for someone else? I know I can’t control who he thinks about but once he writes about it and searches on the internet, it kind of becomes real. That’s the 1st step. I am so mad inside. I am so hurt. I can’t look at him the same way. He’s a lier if nothing else. Yes, he hasn’t cheated but he broke me so bad that he mine as well had. What do I do at this point? I’m just so confused. We’ve been together so long and I thought we were ment to be and now I just don’t know. Why is he doing this? Should I be thinking, what’s wrong with me or not? I’m just so confused. And lastly, is a form of cheating??? It sure feels like it to me.

• khalil says:

  August 9, 2009 at 2:39 pm

  انا خليل احب ان يكون لدي صديقات من اجل زلك توجهت ال موكع صديقات

• MS says:

  January 29, 2010 at 4:50 pm

  I vocalized my concerns about my husband’s close female coworker/friend. I was kindly but firmly told by him to deal with it. That they weren’t doing anything wrong (even though they text and email constantly.) They currently do not work the same shift anymore, but when they did, they carpooled, spent their lunch breaks together, went out for beers together after work, and texted and emailed all the time. It is something I struggle with on a daily basis. Because it’s a friendship that continues to grow, despite me telling my husband how much it hurts. But because he feels he’s not in the wrong, he refuses to end the friendship, which makes it impossible for me to get past, or forgive him. He feels I should trust him. Hard to trust him when he devoted more time to this friendship than he does to our marriage, and hard to trust him when he his the texts, emails, and their going out for beers from me because he thought it would upset me. Like I said it’s a daily struggle. And to top it all off, I have met this woman, once, and she and I can’t stand each other. But, hubby doesn’t seem to mind her disrespecting me or our marriage, just as long as he gets to have his buddy.

• MS says:

  January 29, 2010 at 4:56 pm

  I should also add that even though they do not work on the same shift anymore, they still text and email everyday. He never, ever, texts or emails me unless he needs something. But it’s never just to say hi, or ask about my day. She gets all that kind of attn.

• bstuart says:

  February 6, 2010 at 11:15 am

  My advice to all of you –if you think something is going on-it is!! Nature gives you that sense–pay attention to it. You ignore it at your own peril. Get a plan together now. Figure out what you will do if your suspicions are correct. Don’t wait for the sky to fall on your head!
  I’ve been there, done that. I didn’t pay attention and I paid dearly for it!!! It’s all about their egos, and their constant need for attention, flattery, and the feel great boost that they get from it. It’s a sign of emotional immaturity on their part, and it will destroy you if you don’t act! The best thing is to plan for your own welfare, and future. These inconsiderate and self absorbed cheaters are not worth the trouble they cause for their partners.
  I speak the truth that only experience can reveal!

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