Husband Is Financially Irresponsible
Ask FreeloveMD | September 19, 2007
9 Comments
My husband and I have been together for four years and have been married for four months. Prior to our marriage he had been financially irresponsible and he promised to improve when we got married. Since then nothing has changed and I feel like I may have made the wrong decision. I feel like I have been the responsible one in the relationship and I always have to suffer for his bad decisions. I believed that we could have had a future together, but his actions show me otherwise, along with his lack of responsibility. I am contemplating ending our relationship because I am unhappy.
Financial responsibility is an important part of any relationship. A financially reckless person in a relationship with a financially prudent person is a disaster waiting to happen. You two need to set up some rules and come to an agreement on what is acceptable and what isn’t. Once these rules are established they must be followed by both parties, no excuses. If you two agree on specific rules he needs to live up to those rules. If he cannot follow the rules than he is not ready to be in a committed and trusting relationship.
tori says:
November 24, 2007 at 12:22 pm
I am in the same situation only my fiance and I aren’t married yet. my fiance recently came into some money and he’s sending it really thoughtlessly and he promised me he would use it to buy a house for us to live in when we get married. I know he’s not doing this to be malicious or hurt my feelings but he’s selfish and he either doesn’t realize it or he just doesn’t care. everytime I’ve tried to talk to him about it or set some guidlines for both of us to follow as far as spending goes he get defensive and angry and says that it’s his money and he’s a man and he can do what he wants. my argument is that when he asked me to marry him he and I became “us” it’s no longer just him. I keep hoping that marriage will instill some responsibilty in him but I’m also worried that it wont and we’ll end up having problems. I’m so confused
Anonymous says:
December 2, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Hate to say it, but they probably won’t change … I was married for 8 years –we’re separated and will be divorced, my choice–and I thought the same thing, that he would grow up and take more responsibility. It seems that it’s only gotten worse as time has gone on. Possibly, you could suggest a financial planner, but it’s hard to change the way one views money.
New Day says:
December 5, 2007 at 12:33 pm
I was in the same situation. Before my husband and I were married, he would get paid and spend his money on fast food and fancy clothes. After he had spent all of his money, he would call his mother and ask her for money to pay the bills! He promised to do better and when we got married, our 2 year old had shoes that were too small. Instead of buying her shoes, he spent his whole check on a new suit with matching shoes! He is 39, if he has not learned yet, he will never learN! So much for getting an older man…
Lisa says:
December 20, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I’m in a serious, marriage minded relationship myself right now. It’s been going on for 1 year. I can really relate because your new husband sounds very similar to my bf. My bf has had to live with me and I’ve been way to kindhearted and way to generous. He got money in and instead of getting his own place, he buys this ancient not converted all the way bus/RV. And any money he got in at all he bought things to convert that old bus RV that’s who knows if it even should be taken out on the road or not. He spent a few thousand dollars I’m thinking on it when he needed money for his own living expenses. I’m thinking I don’t want to marry him now. You see honey the thing is if they can’t be responsible before marriage; they aren’t going to be responsible after marriage either. There’s no way I will marry my 350 lb boyfriend who also needs to get fitness minded and hasn’t done that either all year and also for the same reason the stupid, irresponsible financial decision making. So girlfriend I can really relate to you and big time. Maybe you should separate from him for a time and try teaching him a lesson. Or give him an altimatum (didn’t spell that right; sorry).
lisa says:
January 2, 2010 at 9:32 am
this is so sad! im dealing with the same thing.my bf of 2 yrs is pushing me for marriage and he cant support himself. his wages are garnished for child support. he barely makes enough to eat.he has no money for anything at all.im seriously consigering ending the relationship because of his irresponsible behaviour. i love him very much but i see disaster in the future. the question i am asking is am i better with him or without him.if it means i will always have to financially support him and possibly keep helping him out because of his irreresponsible behaviour,then the question is leave. in his mind he is just having a hard time and the right thing for me is to be loving and supportive.im seriously thinking about putting a time limit on how much more of this i am going to take. he currently lives in my house and doesnt pay a dime for any of the bills. of course he is good to me and likes to buy me lots of gifts. but this is at the expense of then not having money for his gas and insurance. then guess who asks to help pay for his bills? the bottom line is that men do these things because they have women who will put up with them,myself included. they pick women who are good hearted. when they see that we will no longer tolerate their behaviour then they will move on,and find another woman who will put up with this same behaviour.my new years resolution is to put my foot down and it is gonna start today.
Marcy says:
January 5, 2010 at 11:58 am
I was engaged to a financially irresponsible “man” who had already filed debt consolidation in 2002. Did he learn from that? NO. He tried to file bankruptcy this year – but he makes 90K. Just spends poorly on an expensive hobby ( never me)… and expected ME to pay his bills? So when their money runs out, they are entitled to yours?? NO, they DO NOT CHANGE. I left – Oh, and
that 31 yr old model he was cheating on me with behind my back ( HE IS 58??)….. helped me make my decision, too. I WAS BEING
USED. RUN RUN RUN TO THE NEAREST EXIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s not YOUR job to fix them.
They only want the next kind woman they can use. TRUST ME..
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachie says:
March 18, 2010 at 9:37 am
This sounds all too familiar. I am 30 and my bf (literally “BOY” friend) is 42, yet he acts like a teenager. I also hoped he would change. I have a 10 year old and a 16 month old. He is unable to teach these boys anything that is going to help them grow into responsible men. He wont take direction from me and when it all hits the fan all he does is make excuses and justify his actions (or lack thereof) I also came to the realization that life to him is just a fun day to day ride and all he wants is someone next to him for it. I am already planning on getting out of the relationship which has been 3 years too long and has caused more pain and disappointment than anything. Age aint nothin but a number girls and I believe that dating a grown man should not have to be a “fixer upper” project. Good luck…. and as I say: you don’t have to do “bad” by yourself….. you can do “better”!
Tiffany says:
April 15, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Well I can relate to all of you. My boyfriend has to be the laziest and the most irresponsible man on earth. I am getting so FED UP!! He isn’t marriage material at all.
Alexa says:
June 14, 2010 at 4:04 am
My boyfriend promised to share the common household expenses fifty-fifty with me before I moved in with him. As soon as I moved in with him, he failed to pay his half. He had hidden it from me that his wages were being garnished for unpaid debts. Of course, he then expected me to pay for everything. I was bankrupted as a result and had to borrow money to make ends meet. Now, four months later, my boyfriend has quit his job. Why did he quit? Because I have a lawsuit pending in which I might receive a large sum of money soon. Why continue working, he reasoned, if I am going to have that cash soon? The problem is, I may not be getting a dime for up to five more years at the rate the lawsuit is going. I told him that, but he threw all caution to the winds and quit his job anyway. Now we are going to be homeless as a result. For my part, I have had enough of him. I am leaving him now, before he can do any more damage.