My husband has many female friends, and I do not for one second believe that he is gay or is cheating on me. I have many make friends and I’m not gay or cheating on him. I just happen to get along better with makes than with catty, bitchy women who judge and stab you in the back at a second’s notice. He happens to get along better with women than overbearing, macho men. I’m not jealous, neither is he.

To all the women who commented “Me too!” to this post, it means that you don’t trust your man. Get a divorce and find the right guy for you. End of story.

So, I researched the subject and it turns out that men who have mostly women friends have very low self esteem. They prefer women because the competition isn’t the same. As an example, their old buddies are more successful so it makes a man feel like a failure. But with a woman, they can better make excuses for their problems because women are more understanding and more likely to be in less good financial straights themselves so a man’s failure isn’t as stark a comparison for him to have to deal with.

Also, my husband used to go camping with the guys but as he got older and most of his buddies were younger and in better shape, suddenly he wanted to go with women friends because they were not as fit wouldn’t make him feel old and worn out.

This is not to say that women are not as successful as men or as athletic but that the women he chose to befriend were not as successful or athletic so he could feel better about himself as there were no unfortunate comparisons where he would come off looking less good than other men. Kind of like guys with little pee-pees feeling inferior at the gym.

Other guys do this, I suppose, because they are damaged by bad relationships with Mom. Don’t laugh, a guy I worked with was the worst womanizer I ever saw and his Mom never loved him and he was haunted by it.

Anyhow, this is basically to say that men who bond best with women are trouble for the woman who loves them and if you find yourself loving such a man, run for your life or you will always be miserable and your stomach will always be tied in a knot. Even players have lots of men friends. They might be jerks but they aren’t maladjusted and creepy jerks.

In the jobs that I’ve had, I’ve worked with a lot of men and we were friends BUT NOT THAT WAY. I liked their girlfriend/wives and we always went out as couples – or if I was with my coworkers and we stopped for drinks, I was just one of the guys and acted and was treated as such.

Men who insist on having close women friends are just putting a stake through the heart of their relationships and the same goes for the reverse. Somebody who truly loves you knows how to draw lines and set boundaries and then not cross them. It’s called having respect for your mate.

I wouldn’t knowingly date a ladies man if he were the last guy on earth and that is one of the first things I looked for in a guy; does he act flirty to others if he’s with me and does he have mainly men for friends. Don’t even start with a guy who preferentially spends time with women who are “just friends.”

The best test that I ever saw for friends of the opposite sex was: Are they an asset to your relationship as a couple or do they drain energy from your relationship or cause fights? IF it is the latter, there is a problem – and it’s not with the innocent mate.

Quite simply I just want to raise a few positive points …

Let’s not just focus solely on the things that raise insecurities for us.
Let’s focus on one truth alone and try to look at this from a realistic point of view.
The truth is, men and women are completely different in almost every single way! They are not wired like us and often they truly aren’t doing anything close to how we are perceiving them to be doing. Sometimes they are of course but let’s look at the overall scenario!

How is your relationship as a whole?
Do you have a man that works hard to take care of you? I do!
Is he attracted to you? Is your sex life still good even if you’ve been together a while? Mine is on both accounts!

Does he still call you or text you each day at some point to check in on you/the kids? Mine does!
Does he rub your feet or back? Mine does!
Does he offer to help you with things (ie: shopping, bills, kids, cleaning, cooking, etc)? Mine does!
Does he take you out to dinner still? Mine does even after 16 yrs of marriage!
Does he say, ” I love you “? Mine does!
Is he home with you every night? ( excluding jobs that prevent it ) My husband is!
When you and your husband fight is he quick to make up with you? Mine is!

Now the really important part!!!

Do you extend these courtesy’s to him? Be HONEST!!!!
Do you still sweet talk him? Do you slip him little ” I love you ” notes or text messages to make him feel desired???
Do you rub his feet or back??

I mean honestly … I do a lot for my husband but I can openly admit that I am not nearly as affectionate toward him as he is toward me!!! Reading this thread really made me realize that while I’d be quick to think the worst if I knew my husband were doing any of the things mentioned… I’d also sit back and question where I was lacking to even make him desire to do these things??? Some of which can actually be completely harmless but look bad nonetheless.

Am I blaming wives/girlfriends/partners for their mans disrespectful behavior? No, not entirely but partially depending on the circumstances.

My husband has texted females before. Friends that were females for more clarity! I’ve been jealous before for sure!!
But in my case I know the hours he works and I know where he us at all times … YET I still cannot tell you how vulnerable it makes you feel even with security in knowing where he is.

My point is … It actually brought out insecurities in myself and made me worry because I KNOW I could/should be better to him than I am!!!
If I nag, complain or say mean things to my husband EVER… How would I expect him not to interact with a female friend that is nice to him???
We all want to feel good! We all want to be desired!!!

I just think before we get mad and jump to conclusions we should just simply talk with our partners and flat out tell them our concerns without throwing accusations at them. It’s hard but it’s the only fair thong to do!

It is not okay for men to have emotional affairs but just because a man enjoys talking to a female that isn’t mean to him doesn’t mean he desires to take it to an emotional or physical level. It still very well mean that we might not be making him feel 100% desired by us. A female friend could be reassurance to him that we still love him (ie: advice from the female) and/or it may be a simple measure for him to feel likeable.

Does this make any sense? Sorry for rambling!

I truly wish you all the best!!! Relationships are not easy. Nothing in life worth having comes easy! Remember that!!