31 Comments So Far

» share your comment

• Evelyn says:

  February 21, 2007 at 3:31 pm

  My husband loves giving advice to women in need. He is very charming, handsome, loving, caring and affectionate. Most women want to be with him but I was the lucky one. The one thing that keeps me from giving 100% of myself is his female friends. He does not have a lot of them but it bothers me when they call. They call him at anytime of day for advice and I don’t like it. I would never give out my cell# to any man becasue he needs advice. I love and respect my husband but he does not respect me when it comes to always helping women. I don’t even know who they are.

• Jamie says:

  November 28, 2007 at 11:27 pm

  My husband also has many female friends. I have told him how it bothers me and he doesn’t seem to care. They are always calling him and sending him text messages. I looked at his phone once and didn’t see anything bad, but the point is that he shouldn’t talk to them at all. Yesterday I saw him deleting his text messages. I know what this all means, but I seem to have this stupid endless faith in him. How do you make your husband care is my big question?!

• Linda says:

  June 2, 2008 at 5:40 pm

  My fiance has many female friends, all beautiful – the closest of whom are single. He admits to harmless flirting, but has never been intimate with them. He claims it’s normal and healthy for him to have female friends because he has a very warm, sensitive, comforting side to him that many women respond to (and usually find attractive). I have met them all many times – sometimes we go out together, and sometimes he sees them without me. While I do believe some men and women can be friends, I think of it more in terms of having one or two that you see on occassion. They used to call him morning, noon and night, but it has subsided since we got engaged. Although now that spring is here, they are calling to get together with us – or him, if I am not inclined to go. I do trust him and believe he loves me and wants to marry me, but yet I find myself questioning why he needs so much attention from so many women (and they expect to spend time with him/us every weekend – plus during the week, if it’s possible). I’m sure it stems from insecurities, which we all have. We have argued about this repeatedly, and he is desperately trying to make me understand they’re just friends, he loves me, I’m acting jeaous or threatened unnecessarilly, he’s respectful of boundries, and my disdain for this really means I don’t trust his judgement or decisions – and I should be supportive of those who care about him and make him happy. After reading everyone else’s posts, any comments on this?

• Amanthi says:

  October 2, 2008 at 7:17 am

  Well, I think the feeling is common to all us girls. My husband also is quiet popular and has so many friends, and out of all most of them are females.I am not much of a social person and find it is difficult corp with it at times. He does not talk about them to me. These girls call him and text him, and I guess he replies and he does not keep any of these texts on his phone, which makes me feel even more insecure.I don’t know whether it is jealousy or what but I feel really bad and sad to see this happen. and he has lots of female friends on facebook too, where they message each other. I wouldn’t want him to give up his friends for me. but I wish he would be more open and transparent in what he does. Then one would have the question of having our own lives even though we are married. but where do you draw the line? I am still finding an answer!!

• Rachel says:

  February 11, 2009 at 12:25 am

  Well..looks like jealousy DOES pop up in others! My sweetheart IS a sweetheart.. kind, loving, thoughtful, fun….. but is either VERY naive about women or is emotional manipulative. Lots of long instant messaging with one.. “helping her” with marital problems!?!?!??! Sudden sweet compliments to another “you have such a great smile” Granted, these are women from childhood.. but it’s been 20 years since he knew them!

  NEVER in my life have I been jealous.. but this nasty nausea can’t be anything else.

• Adrianna says:

  February 11, 2009 at 7:39 pm

  Well, its amazing how many women are in this situation…
  I was googling on this topic because I was also worried about my husbands female ‘friends’ and his willingnes to help them in any occation…
  Old friends, new friends, most of them very young (He is 47 and his friends are on theis 20s. he makes new female friends everywhere, in cafes, shops, airports, work etc…
  He insists that they are only friends that he likes, helps and cares for. He insists that the fact that most of them are women or gay men its just a coincidance… He also hides his emails from me and seems very secretive when it comes to his laptop… I love him dearly and he seems to love me too… but this has been a torture for me…

• Patience says:

  March 13, 2009 at 8:56 am

  You have no idea how shocked i am that is not just my problem!! My husband has 99.99% female friends. Lately though old girlfriends have popped up and from my snooping, i have noticed that the girls keep rehatching old intimate moments, with one thanking him for making her a woman. He thinks its harmless but will tell them he loves and misses them (says love is just a wod, he is being polite). Im at a loss, i have no idea wat to do, talking to him is like hitting a naive wall…maybe i should leave or confront the girls…but how…they are his emails and text messages im reading….

• Angie says:

  April 13, 2009 at 5:49 pm

  Ladies~ I am having the same issue. I have put my foot down, but he seems to find what seems to be valid justification for every new female he becomes friends with or adds to his Facebook &/or Myspace page…I hate to admit it too….I had a funny feeling one day and had a wide open opportunity to look at his Myspace emails…I found out way more than I bargained for. But, at the same time, I know he loves me, wants me happy, and is very loving….but I can’t seem to find a way to trust him because of all of the female friends…some I know, most I don’t and a good portion are ex-girlfriends….this is not normal, not okay, and totally unacceptable to me. I won’t divorce him, but I will get my own bedroom…

• anne says:

  June 29, 2009 at 6:28 am

  Likewise, I’ve just goggled this topic as I’m so unsure as to what to think, say or do. I’m also in a long distance realtionship which I am sure does not help. He’s a great guy, if not a little blunt and rude at times (its a culture thing). When we met, through a mutural friends wedding and we’d met many years before briefly, I know he had female friends, as we shared one, though to the extent i had no idea at all. He calls, texts and no doubt IMs and mails them. I’ve only heard of and met one male friend. The rest (so 99.9%) are female. I’ve no idea if they are old flames, though I doubt this. None-the-less, i am fidning it vey hard to cope with. It’s natural to be and feel jealous, and i believe healthy to a point… yet I don’t like it when he’s out and about with them (often just one at a time infact) and has got so drunk that he hadn’t recalled calling me. The thing is, and I have spoken about my insecruities with him – having been so used to an Alpha Male – if the shoe were on the other foot, he really woudln’t like it!
  I know I’m the one who shares his bed, who he invests time coming to see, all those good things. I know he loves me and wants to be with me… yet I can’t make any comittment to move forward as this is such a fear for me. He says that he flirts, and he has bigged himself up a few tims… i’m sure to make me feel jealous. The outcome is the to such an extent that I am now doubting my realtionship. I love him, though maybe not enough. I wouldn’t expect him to give up on his friends, I do expect him to be very understanding and to realise that if I were to chat, text and so on with mainly all males friends, he too (i am convinced) would have similar feelings that I do… it’s imblanced, it’s not going to change and more than anything, why does he need so much adoration from other women? Most have kids now, a few are single and all are around the age of 35-40… are they using him? is he using them? why doens’t he have more male friends? and why does he not understand that I feel like an extension of them with the expception that I share his bed fromtime to time? Any thoughts?

• Nicole says:

  July 21, 2009 at 1:00 pm

  My husband and I have been together for nearly five years. We have a beautiful child together as well. We found out I was pregnant only eight months into the relationship. We were married at three years in. Recently my husband Met a group of people at work that he goes out with. I was fine with this until I realized it was mostly very young and beautiful single women. One night he asked me to wait up for him and said he would be home at midnight. At two I called to make sure he was ok. He said they were going to eat and came home an hour later, immediately hungry and headed for the fridge. I asked him to please call me next time so that I know he is okay. His response was to get very angry and say I was being controlling. I also need to add that he mastrubates to online porn in front of me. He says he loves me and I am crazy to think that he would ever cheat, but his behavior makes me nervous. He thinks this behavior is normal and I am overreacting. Am I crazy for thinking he is wrong and being upset about these things?

• Michelle says:

  July 24, 2009 at 9:08 pm

  I also googled and found this website. Ladies they will never change. After 6 years I am filing for divorce. I have dealt with the friends, the excuses and the constant statement that I am over reacting. I’m done. I gave him the choice to leave all those females behind and go to counseling or it was divorce, He would rather divorce. Give your men a choice and they will be willing to leave you too. They won’t stop, ever. Eventually it will lead to infedelity. He has no male friends. Spare yourselves years of pain. Leave and find men that really care.

• Sonu says:

  August 13, 2009 at 4:25 pm

  Ladies i was suprised that their are others out there like myself, my husband and i have been together 7 yrs married for 5 but theres one of his female coworkers who constantly txts him and calls him, ive read the messages they are innocent, but he says im insecure and controlling yet when i got married i gave up male friends and things, is there certain boundaries in marriage? it makes me so sick, then this girl had the nerve to txt me, and say he finds more of a friend in her then me, im heartbroken, is this reason to get divorced?

  please help me

  devastated..

• marti forkner says:

  August 21, 2009 at 12:24 pm

  the fact that he shares intimate information about you to another woman is totally not right. you shouldn’t have to compete with his “friend.”
  I would text her back and tell her, “if you are such a better friend, then welcome to him. I don’t need a double minded husband. He is yours and I am out of this relationship.”
  You don’t even have to tell him, because he will undoubtably be hearing from her. When he comes home, just be gone. It will be a wake up call, or a new beginning for you. Don’t be gone as a test, but really mean it. If he wants you back you have to have a six month test period and counseling. If he won’t do that, then adios and good bye charlie.
  Not being appreciated and cherished is the worst self respect killer. Why are you worried about his devotion and he isn’t worried about yours? Because, he has you where he wants you to be-a victim, complaining and whinning servant. Those are not my thoughts, but I am guessing they are his. Let him go and go love yourself.

• unknown woman says:

  February 8, 2010 at 10:21 am

  I am married for 11 years. Just after the marriage, I realized that my husband used to go out at midnight, almost all nights! Once I decided to chase him and did it. It was shocking when I saw him spying neighbours from their windows while they were naked or they were having sex!

  Later on two women came to my place asking my husbands name!……………

• Jay says:

  March 14, 2010 at 1:19 pm

  My husband is very charming. Despite the fact he is in very good physical shape (he works out bikes runs daily) he looks about 10 years older than he is (too much sun tanning). He ALWAYS at any time has at least two 5-7 years his senior single attractive female friends who always want to be around him. I know he is not romantically interested in them because he rather trade me in for someone 10-15 years his junior. I actually find it kind of cruel that he waves a carrot in front of these ladies faces. After about a year their interest peters out and a new lady pops up. I think he needs so much attention is rather pathetic. I’ve just found out that one of these friends has had a major heart throb crush on him for going on 3 years now. I’ve been out with her many times. I wish she had said something to me since he and I argued many times about her interest in him. Anyway I’m planning on leaving him because I’m sick of wondering what is going on when he is out with these ladies. I mean really, have a drink out, one thing leads to another blah blah. I’d rather be with someone who out of respect for me did not behave this way and out of respect for ladies in general did not lead these ladies on. I have a few male friends, I definetly do not flirt with them and when they are dating I never see them without their girlfriends present.

• Kimberly says:

  April 8, 2010 at 11:22 am

  Wow! The same thing happened to me when I got with my man he had nothing but female friends and he lived with two of them, it came down to him having to have them are me and he picked me!
  We deleted all the girls on his myspace and facebook and got him a new cell number!
  Now thing are great!
  Make him pick them are you!
  If he really loves you,trust me he will pick you!
  Unless he is gay and don’t want you to know!

• Jacob says:

  April 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

  Being one of the guys that seems to always end up serving as the confidant for married female friends, I can say right off of the bat that any friendship between two adults, especially if they have known each other for a long time or if there have been romantic feelings or sexual tension in the past, have to go through the point of deciding where those boundaries will be.

  I personally had to draw the line for myself, and try to make an open effort to get to know my friends’ spouses but it is very challenging – especially when the husbands spend a lot of time at work. They generally fear the worst and based on my knowledge of people I do believe that it is dangerous water to tread.

  At the same time, in some of these cases we’ve established what makes our friendship unique and valuable, and that has helped the situation a lot. It has made it possible for these women to clarify where I fit into their life how I am not their husband. Generally speaking, they appreciate being able to talk to someone who affirms their beliefs at times.

  That being said, they don’t share their marital problems with me out of respect for their husbands – and I think that is important.

  Point being, if you are a woman whose husband needs lots of indiscriminate attention from beautiful women, and if those women aren’t trying to befriend you as well, it’s pretty clear that they are after your husband’s attention and without any reserve or courtesy they will succeed. I wouldn’t chalk it up solely to the failing of your husband. I think that a lot of emotionally available men become targets for insecure women. As a single guy, I rely on my good female friends to spot women who are trying to use me emotionally and tell me when it is ‘just too easy.’ Because many times it probably is.

  As a wife, that’s something you should be watching out for – not just for the sake of protecting your own interests in the marriage, but also to prevent your husband from being taken advantage of by women who clearly have no boundaries themselves and will never respect his or yours.

  As for your husband’s boundaries – this is something you can encourage but not change. As a single guy, I would feel like a lying sack of crap if I married a woman without accepting that certain boundaries would open at the cost of other boundaries being created. If I was not ready to make that shift in priorities, I have no business getting married. But your husband has to decide for himself what that wedding ring means. The fact that some of the guys described stay out late with women (plural) doesn’t bug me but the porn does, just because it says, ‘I am willing to engage in selfish behavior in order to satisfy my personal needs at other people’s expense.’ If a guy persistently puts his own needs over yours, he’s learned somewhere along the way that it is okay to exploit others to make yourself happy. This way of thinking spirals out of control exponentially if it is not intentionally managed. Emotional self-regulation is essential to achieving a mature mentally healthy personality.

  That being said, if he won’t grow up, and you’ve outgrown him in maturity, you need to let him know that if he won’t raise boundaries to protect himself and your marriage, well – you will fear for your marriage and end up putting up boundaries to protect yourself from his selfish behavior. The second outcome is not a threat per se – this just happens organically because of how we are wired to respond when people that we care about act as if we don’t exist.

• Cassidy says:

  April 23, 2010 at 11:05 am

  I am in the same boat as everyone else on this page. My husband has been communicating with this married woman for the past seven months. How I found out about it is he lied to me that he was talking to her husband. I got onto his Facebook page because I was getting those insecurity gut feelings and found all the e-mails and whatnot. It was pretty harmelss at first, but now it’s turned into lying and total dishonesty. She tells him he loves him and even sent him a ring for Valentine’s day. He told me it was from a friend of his, but I found out otherwise. He told me he wanted to set up a messenger on his Blackberry to better talk with me but I found out it was so he could talk to her and used another friend’s name on there to cover it. This is torturing me day in and day out. He told me a few months back that he wouldn’t stop talking to her because of me. Her husband is even involved and my husband told him that he has no thought of messing her and him up, but their marriage is rocky anyway. I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. I’m seven months pregnant and I know going through that emotional roller coaster is enough. I just wish he would stop. He knows I don’t like it, but he doesn’t know that I know about the lies. I have been wanting to confront him about it, but just don’t want to cause an argument. He is very loving and affectionate towards me, but I usually turn my head. I’m afraid this is going to wreck our marriage. It’s my second marriage and his third. Any advice what you others are doing would be helpful. I want to trust him but I don’t.

• Julie says:

  April 26, 2010 at 10:15 pm

  I am in the same situation. Women love my husband and he loves to give them advice and fix stuff for them. He is their shoulder to cry on. Well–what if I went out and got myself some guy friends–hot ones–who were texting me all the time. We have talked and talked about it. I am the insecure one apparently. I have decided to think about this and make some new guy friends–maybe I am being closed minded.

• Alison says:

  June 9, 2010 at 11:42 pm

  So nice to see I’m not alone! Been married for 19 years to a wonderful man. He’d always had more girls as friends than guys, but I thought once we got married that would change. He has changed jobs many times over the years and has always managed to find a female coworker to become friends with. He says he feels he can trust them and open up to them better than men. Whatever. He has been at his current job a lot longer than any others and this other girl keeps popping up everywhere. He switches clients;she follows and vice versa. He’s taken pictures of her and posted them on Facebook. She is always the first to respond to his postings on there and even the first to comment on pictures he posts of our two kids before I’ve even had a chance to see them myself!
  He’s very open about the time he spends with her as he sees nothing wrong with it. He works out of town during the week and finds himself dining alone with her, etc. He insists nothing is going on and that I’m over-reacting. I believe that being married means being committed to ONE woman, sharing your deepest feelings with that ONE woman and certainly NOT spending time alone with another woman.
  He thinks I’m old fashioned. I have no problem with him working with other women, but I do know he is having an emotional affair with this one whether he is willing to admit/accept it or not.
  I have become obsessed with his relationship with her and it’s killing OUR relationship. His need for female attention is NOT alright. We went to couples counseling but he had the hots for the counselor! I walked out. He says he doesn’t love me anymore but doesn’t want to give up on us. I don’t know if I still love him or just love the idea of him. I don’t want to be alone but wonder if I could feel more alone than I do already.

• Nay Nay says:

  June 15, 2010 at 8:33 pm

  I am in the same situation, My husband gives me his passwords to the only two socail websites I actually know about. Than he goes and changes the passwords deletes and setup new accounts.I understand he wants his privacy but at the same time he won’t let me have a myspace or facebook or any of em social sites. I’m always wonderig why, I see him being friends with females that he sexual relations with before, and not only that he searches for these females as they do for him. It drives me insane and whenever I say something about it oh I don’t respect him or I don’t have anything to worry about I’m a man I know how to handle myself. So what is it how can I really make him see that it really hurts and breaks me down? I am a damn good woman to him I would never talk to other men or even give out my number for anything because I have way to much love and respect for him, but when I see the stuff that he does to me it’s like where did I go wrong and what did I do for him to do this to me? I need some advice I have no one to talk to about it and I am beyond frustrated and stressed.

• stacy needham says:

  June 16, 2010 at 2:45 pm

  hi i am in the same boat, where he works are lots of female friends,and a couple of male, and they go out every 1-2 weeks, my husband goes with them every so often, but last night he said he would be home around 2 so it gets to 230 and i text him he says hes going for something to eat and coming home, then 1 hour later i text no answer, and i phone to make sure everythings ok, it goes to answering machine, i keep phoning every 15 mis, increasingly getting worried, then finally at about 5 iget through he says he had no signal, he says after they had something to eat they went back to someones house for a little party, why not let me know so i wouldnt worry, no he turns his phone off,bearin in mind hes 45 and th people he goes out with are no older than, 23, he just loves the female attention, he seems to treat them better than me,ive been out with himand them once not because he asked me, to he never wants me to, i said ill come with you for a drink, dont think he wanted me to, all the girl kept coming up and kissing him and hugging him in fromt of me, you could see him trying not to react, but what is he like when im not there,completely different thats what, why would girls keep coming up and kissing him if he hadnt done it before,if it was a simple hello kiss i woudnt be bothered but he thinks its all me im jealous, no theres boundarys in a marriage and if he loved me he would respect them, ive really had enough,when i go out its just me and the girls no men and o dont go near other men, if i tell him i love him he never says it back, or ona atext i always put luv u he never puts any thing like that back just one word answers, just sits infront of the computer all day on facebook and other stuff,lazy bum arrrggg he does my head in, im sure someones in the same boat as me

• terrie_berrie says:

  June 16, 2010 at 6:02 pm

  Everything I’ve read above, I’m way 2 familuar with..My husband is a maintenance man and is always on call. So it’s his job 2 fix things, but instead he’s way 2 familiar with some of the “females friends” around here. When I walk outside and see him talking 2 them or hugging them as well, he often pretends like he didn’t see me! It hurts me so much insde, feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back. I’ve tried talking 2 him about it, but of course I’m the one who is insure rite? So he says. I know he’s the one who’s has issue’s not me. I’m getting tired of this uneasy untrusting life, and thinking of leaving soon!

• Brenai says:

  June 17, 2010 at 1:18 am

  I thought i was the only one going through this. I am still going to get counseling. But the comments i read really help me alot. I also have a husband who is obsessed with women. Now that there is facebook things have gotten worse. I never knew he had so many female friends. After 14 yrs of marriage I cant take it anymore. We are having financial issues and he have the nerve to have 2 cell phones. WTH…We dont communicate and i also have seen text msgs from other females. He will need to deceid if his family is more important than those females. I am having my final discussion about this later today.

• LadyMaMa says:

  June 18, 2010 at 2:04 am

  Hey ladies … Sorry to hear so many of us share such similiar heartache and confusion!

  Quite simply I just want to raise a few positive points …

  Let’s not just focus solely on the things that raise insecurities for us.
  Let’s focus on one truth alone and try to look at this from a realistic point of view.
  The truth is, men and women are completely different in almost every single way! They are not wired like us and often they truly aren’t doing anything close to how we are perceiving them to be doing. Sometimes they are of course but let’s look at the overall scenario!

  How is your relationship as a whole?
  Do you have a man that works hard to take care of you? I do!
  Is he attracted to you? Is your sex life still good even if you’ve been together a while? Mine is on both accounts!

  Does he still call you or text you each day at some point to check in on you/the kids? Mine does!
  Does he rub your feet or back? Mine does!
  Does he offer to help you with things (ie: shopping, bills, kids, cleaning, cooking, etc)? Mine does!
  Does he take you out to dinner still? Mine does even after 16 yrs of marriage!
  Does he say, ” I love you “? Mine does!
  Is he home with you every night? ( excluding jobs that prevent it ) My husband is!
  When you and your husband fight is he quick to make up with you? Mine is!

  Now the really important part!!!

  Do you extend these courtesy’s to him? Be HONEST!!!!
  Do you still sweet talk him? Do you slip him little ” I love you ” notes or text messages to make him feel desired???
  Do you rub his feet or back??

  I mean honestly … I do a lot for my husband but I can openly admit that I am not nearly as affectionate toward him as he is toward me!!! Reading this thread really made me realize that while I’d be quick to think the worst if I knew my husband were doing any of the things mentioned… I’d also sit back and question where I was lacking to even make him desire to do these things??? Some of which can actually be completely harmless but look bad nonetheless.

  Am I blaming wives/girlfriends/partners for their mans disrespectful behavior? No, not entirely but partially depending on the circumstances.

  My husband has texted females before. Friends that were females for more clarity! I’ve been jealous before for sure!!
  But in my case I know the hours he works and I know where he us at all times … YET I still cannot tell you how vulnerable it makes you feel even with security in knowing where he is.

  My point is … It actually brought out insecurities in myself and made me worry because I KNOW I could/should be better to him than I am!!!
  If I nag, complain or say mean things to my husband EVER… How would I expect him not to interact with a female friend that is nice to him???
  We all want to feel good! We all want to be desired!!!

  I just think before we get mad and jump to conclusions we should just simply talk with our partners and flat out tell them our concerns without throwing accusations at them. It’s hard but it’s the only fair thong to do!

  It is not okay for men to have emotional affairs but just because a man enjoys talking to a female that isn’t mean to him doesn’t mean he desires to take it to an emotional or physical level. It still very well mean that we might not be making him feel 100% desired by us. A female friend could be reassurance to him that we still love him (ie: advice from the female) and/or it may be a simple measure for him to feel likeable.

  Does this make any sense? Sorry for rambling!

  I truly wish you all the best!!! Relationships are not easy. Nothing in life worth having comes easy! Remember that!!

• Cory says:

  June 29, 2010 at 3:51 am

  Who knew there were so many men like this who prefer women friends. When I married, my husband was a “man’s man” and had many men friends. He wasn’t a flirt or anything and I loved him for that. Then he started a business and when it began to fail, he started pulling away from his male friends and becoming closer to women. I didn’t pay attention at first but should have. Yes, he had an affair and soon he could only be around women and said they were just more interesting.

  So, I researched the subject and it turns out that men who have mostly women friends have very low self esteem. They prefer women because the competition isn’t the same. As an example, their old buddies are more successful so it makes a man feel like a failure. But with a woman, they can better make excuses for their problems because women are more understanding and more likely to be in less good financial straights themselves so a man’s failure isn’t as stark a comparison for him to have to deal with.

  Also, my husband used to go camping with the guys but as he got older and most of his buddies were younger and in better shape, suddenly he wanted to go with women friends because they were not as fit wouldn’t make him feel old and worn out.

  This is not to say that women are not as successful as men or as athletic but that the women he chose to befriend were not as successful or athletic so he could feel better about himself as there were no unfortunate comparisons where he would come off looking less good than other men. Kind of like guys with little pee-pees feeling inferior at the gym.

  Other guys do this, I suppose, because they are damaged by bad relationships with Mom. Don’t laugh, a guy I worked with was the worst womanizer I ever saw and his Mom never loved him and he was haunted by it.

  Anyhow, this is basically to say that men who bond best with women are trouble for the woman who loves them and if you find yourself loving such a man, run for your life or you will always be miserable and your stomach will always be tied in a knot. Even players have lots of men friends. They might be jerks but they aren’t maladjusted and creepy jerks.

  In the jobs that I’ve had, I’ve worked with a lot of men and we were friends BUT NOT THAT WAY. I liked their girlfriend/wives and we always went out as couples – or if I was with my coworkers and we stopped for drinks, I was just one of the guys and acted and was treated as such.

  Men who insist on having close women friends are just putting a stake through the heart of their relationships and the same goes for the reverse. Somebody who truly loves you knows how to draw lines and set boundaries and then not cross them. It’s called having respect for your mate.

  I wouldn’t knowingly date a ladies man if he were the last guy on earth and that is one of the first things I looked for in a guy; does he act flirty to others if he’s with me and does he have mainly men for friends. Don’t even start with a guy who preferentially spends time with women who are “just friends.”

  The best test that I ever saw for friends of the opposite sex was: Are they an asset to your relationship as a couple or do they drain energy from your relationship or cause fights? IF it is the latter, there is a problem – and it’s not with the innocent mate.

• Shannon says:

  July 14, 2010 at 11:08 am

  I personally think that the response of “Your husband is either gay, or he is cheating on you. It is time to have a talk with him and get some answers.” is ridiculous. To comment that he is gay because he has a lot of female friends is stereotyping and bordering on homophobia and is perpetrating hate.

  My husband has many female friends, and I do not for one second believe that he is gay or is cheating on me. I have many make friends and I’m not gay or cheating on him. I just happen to get along better with makes than with catty, bitchy women who judge and stab you in the back at a second’s notice. He happens to get along better with women than overbearing, macho men. I’m not jealous, neither is he.

  To all the women who commented “Me too!” to this post, it means that you don’t trust your man. Get a divorce and find the right guy for you. End of story.

• Shannon says:

  July 14, 2010 at 11:09 am

  Sigh. ‘Makes’ should have been ‘maLes’. Sorry for all the typos.

• simone says:

  July 22, 2010 at 4:10 pm

  I have been maried for 11 years and for the last 2 years my husband has been hanging out every other day and every weeekend and says that he has to hang with the boys. One morning at 2am he recieves a text asking him if he had reach home safe. when i called the number it was a female on the other side. I made contact with her and she said that they work together and they all went out for a dirnk and she knew he was tipsy so she called to make sure he was safe. I took offence to this and she did admit it was appropiate. Since then my husband has told me on many occasions that she is half her age and that they are good friends and nothing is happening. He alos admits that they talk on the phone when she has problems with the other guys in the office and he advises her. I saw his phone bill and i have seen the frequency of the calls and the lenght of the calls.What should I do?

• simone says:

  July 22, 2010 at 4:12 pm

  I have been maried for 11 years and for the last 2 years my husband has been hanging out every other day and every weeekend and says that he has to hang with the boys. One morning at 2am he recieves a text asking him if he had reach home safe. when i called the number it was a female on the other side. I made contact with her and she said that they work together and they all went out for a drink and she knew he was tipsy so she called to make sure he was safe. I took offence to this and she did admit it was inappropiate. she also apologised for any pain or problem she may have caused and says that she is 100% innocence. Since then my husband has told me on many occasions that she is half her age and that they are good friends and nothing is happening. He also admits that they talk on the phone when she has problems with the other guys in the office and he advises her. I saw his phone bill and i have seen the frequency of the calls and the lenght of the calls. What should I do?

• MeL says:

  July 26, 2010 at 2:46 pm

  I’m glad I’m not the only wife that is feeling this way..me and my husband have been together for almost 3 yrs now and have been married for almost 3 months. Over a year ago about 2 months after he proposed to me when I was pregnant with our son he met a girl at the new job he started, at first I didn’t mind them being friends, I know he loves me but one day I decided to go and read his text messages between him & the girl, I couldn’t help but cry, it was not innocent stuff at all it was ridiculous and I knew she had a big crush on him, later in the day when he woke up, I was acting different he asked if I read his txt messages & I said yes, he got mad but then was willing to talk to me about it and totally understood that it was wrong and they stopped talking. And since then things have been pretty good, there has been times I get that feeling again about his female friends but it has never been anything and he has ALWAYS been with me except for the times he is at work.. 7 months ago we moved out of the state so I felt a little better cuz all those old female friends were thousands of miles away even tho they were still talking but everything I read I really didn’t mind except a picture I saw in his phone of a girl he was talking to I never said anything bu he deleted it that day and they stopped talking, now ever since he got a facebook its just driving me crazy, he just got a girls number the other night they have known each other for yrs and now he can’t stop texting her, he’s the first one to do it, I didn’t mind it at first cuz I guess she was jus telling him what happened in her last relationship and why she left the guy( cuz he was abusive to her & her son) well I got to read a couple of the texts and he said something about flirting and bunch of smiley faces, she said she wasn’t flirting or somethin like that and then he said “flirting is healthy no worries and then she didn’t txt back at all so about two hours later he text her goodnight, saying he would txt her tomarrow.. I don’t like it at all, they are talking to much..but maybe I’m jus overreacting because we are thousands of miles away and I know where he is at all times..and to add I am pregnant with our 2nd child so I’m very emotional..I just don’t know what to do, I don’t want him to know I read his texts or he will get so mad. I love him so much and I know he loves me, he’s great and does so much for the family..But the thing is I don’t talk to any guys at all when I got with him I dropped all my guy friends.. Any advice? What should I do? Should I worry about this girl?

Share Your Comment