It’s been a couple of weeks and things have happened. First of all, she’s kinda completely avoiding me at the moment. And seeing her do that I got very annoyed and did the same. However, whilst avoiding me, if she had problems in which she needed help she’d still call me. It was of family issues and she says that it was her mum’s idea for her to call me. Her mum still doesn’t know that we’ve borken up. She goes to her friend that she’s avoiding me because she feels like i’m asking too much into her life. especially issues with the other guy. But as a matter of fact i haven’t. But anyways…so taking upon that criticism, I decided to not mention his name at all in and convos. As recently I’ve been very sick and through her friends I heard that she wasn’t feeling very well either. I decided to send her a message just asking her how she is and all. I also stated that I wasn’t feeling too good and was just out of hosiptal. She called me immediately after the msg and we spoke for like 2 hrs. At first it was just asking how each other were and then it got into a nice normal convo and I noticed tht we both enjoyed talking to each other. Telling her that I was sick, she immediately went online and searched the sickness and was like asking me all these questions to see how bad it was. It shows that she really does care and would go into the effort of doing that. I accidently mentioned to her that I started smoking recently, she went completely silent. When we were together she really hated and never wanted me to smoke. She goes that if I smoke she’d break up with me. Hence her current reaction. One time i pretended to smoke and took a photo and she even cried. Thats how much she was against it. So she went all quiet and didn’t say much for a little while. I then said to her that it was only casual and said that if she didn’t want me to i promised not to smoke again. She says to be that I didn’t have to promise her anything, but deep inside i knew she wanted me to. And then the convo went on, and through some other link, she mentioned the other guy. Just slightly. It lead on to a light convo bout what she does at home at night time. She goes that they don’t see each other that often nor do they talk to each other all that often either. (me and her use to talk on the phone every night) So now during the old ‘phone time’ she cannot concentrate on work anymore b/c it’s getting late but she cant sleep either due to the old rythm. Hence she says she’s bored shitless and just bums around the house doing nothing. It makes me think what sort of relationship they are in. Are they even going out? I told her that if she was bored and doesn’t feel like sleeping, AS FRIENDS, I am more than wiling to talk to her on the phone. She goes “yeh… i know” But since then she hasn’t called me. I think she’s stopping herself from doing so. And I don’t know why. She still hasn’t atually said that she has a bf or that they are going out. Her friend spoke to her a little while back and she told the friend about this ‘guy’ and said to her friend that they were just friends. of course, anything could have happened from then til now but she still hasn’t actually said it herself. I subtley hinted to her about the bf. Say something like, “my friend was rubbing it in (the breakup) because he’s like she’s got a bf now and you can do anything about it” I said it just to see her reaction, she didn’t deny…. Our group has been planning a ski trip and she’s not going because of “many reasons” which she would not tell me. 3 days ago was our meant to be anniversary. the 4 years one. The group of friend organised a dinner just to meet up etc. she goes that she has a party and couldn’t come. The dinner was called off. I don’t know whether she actually does have a party of was it just an excuse. Her friend called her that night and she says that she was at a party, I called her on private number that night just without actually talking, the background was completely quiet. I really does make me think whether she’s like completely over this or whether she’s just putting on an act. Sometimes I feel that she still does have something for me but because of past bad experience she’s stopping herself from showing it and trying again. At the moment I have so many questions in my head that I don’t know the answer to and I cant find out either. IS she actually going out with the guy? If so are they actually serious? If they aren’t going out then what sort of relationship is present? I know you told me to test the waters, but at the moment I cant do anything, there is almost no contact b/w us. After all this time, i must admit, i still do care alot about her and still like her. I know she still cares alot about me also. But I question myself, whether i just care about her but not like her. To what extent can u care about someone until it becomes like or love? She cares about me alot…but her actions and otherwise seem contrary. And the existence of the other guy if pressuring me in terms of time because from my perspective, The longer they stay close the less are my chances. Please help me here JOE. I need advice of what I can do to get this relationship back on track. I would like to become just friends with her for now and let it build. I know i can present myself well and we still have alot in common and a strong bond. But At the moment I just don’t know what to do.

Looking foward to your advice \
. Thanks JOE

LOST!

I had another talk with her the other day. Like throughtout the 4yr relationship…i’ve also stuffed up. I cheated on her once and was interested in this other girl another time. Both times i didn’t break up and i stayed with her. It is because these incidents that she has kinda lose faith and therefore became mean and didn’t put as much of an effort in it. We are just friends now and it’s weird….she wants to be ‘just friends’ to the extent that she goes to me, we can still chat and all, but there isn’t really a reason for you to call me. BUT she still wants the kinda privledges that she use to get. The other night when going out with a bunch of friends, she still expected me to take her home and expected that her friend get out of the front seat of my car and give way for her. I don’t get what she wants. It seems like she just wants to be friend but still want privledges. Does that even work? She goes she still cares for my wellbeing because she feels partially reasonable for whats happening to me now, but it’s like…i really don’t know what she’s actually feeling. She goes to me that “I’ve almost completely gotten over you” It’s only been like 2 weeks. My friend goes that she’s probably lying, but i’m just thinking, is it possible to get over a 4yr serious relationship in just 2 weeks, whilst already making out with another guy in just a couple of days after the breakup. And I know her, she is a sensitive and emotional girl. But at the moment I don’t know what’s going through her mind and the way she’s acting just doesn’t seem like her. From the information here what sort of analysis can you make Joe? Please help me out here. Thanks