How Do I Make Her Happy?
Ask FreeloveMD | April 16, 2008
4 Comments
I don’t know what to do anymore, how do I make her happy like we use to be?
My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 4 years now (note I’m only turning 20). We recently broke up for about a month and just got back together. Of course the first week or so of “honeymoon” period was sweet and nice. But as that wears off things are starting to become like the old.
She says that she doesn’t feel happy when she’s with me. When she’s with me, she feels like we’re just talking about everyday things and like reporting our day to each other. She says she still cares for me a lot, but isn’t sure if that is love. She says that she hates the way she is when she’s with me and that it’s just the normal things that I do (being myself) that frustrates her. It never use to be this way.
I still love her a lot. And I don’t want to see this relationship slip away again. I would like so advice on how I can make her happy again when she’s with me, and make our relationship good again. The one thing I’m sure about is that I still love her and that I don’t want to lose her again.
Lost! says:
April 24, 2008 at 12:10 am
Thanks for your answer! I have just recently found out that she’s interested in this other guy. They are “seeing each other” but the other night my friend saw them fully making out in public. This is really hurting me. I don’t know what I should do. It’s only been a week since we officially broke up. How can she possibly be in love with another guy already? She has said to me in the past that “there is nothing wrong with showing your affection for somebody in public” I agree with that, but how on earth can you develop an affection with this guys within a week.
She also admitted that she has been lying before the break up and that she met this guy just as we got back together. The reason for not telling me was that she thought I’d be very jealous and be unhappy. But I wouldn’t have. and now I’m even more unhappy at the fact that she lied. I can’t get over her that quickly. It’s seriously killing me. I do give her the freedom to do whatever, as long as we are open to each other. I just don’t understand why she’s doing this at the moment. Your suggestion last time would be to just forget about it for now and actually hope that we will get back together? She said that I have everything that she looks for in a boyfriend, it’s just that at times she just can’t relax and isn’t happy when she’s with me because she feels that we both aren’t being ourselves. I don’t know what to do anymore? I’m scared that if I keep my hopes up and this doesn’t work it will kill me even more, but yet I can’t let go at the moment either. What should I do?
Joe says:
April 24, 2008 at 12:13 am
You’re a sensitive guy and she’s an insensitive woman, or at least insensitive to the relationship with you. If people in a relationship do not want to understand and try to meet their partner’s needs then it becomes a total one way street. Her behavior indicates that she wants to be foot loose to do as she pleases. As hard as it may be you need stay broken-up and start believing in yourself. Start focusing on other areas of your life. There was a reason she went out with you and why she likes you and why you’re valuable. Hopefully, she’ll see what she’s missing. Break-ups are never easy. The only way she’ll get back with you is if she wants to, and if she does you need to make sure that you want to and that she’s ready for a serious relationship, or this pattern will continue.
Lost! says:
April 28, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Joe,
I had another talk with her the other day. Like throughtout the 4yr relationship…i’ve also stuffed up. I cheated on her once and was interested in this other girl another time. Both times i didn’t break up and i stayed with her. It is because these incidents that she has kinda lose faith and therefore became mean and didn’t put as much of an effort in it. We are just friends now and it’s weird….she wants to be ‘just friends’ to the extent that she goes to me, we can still chat and all, but there isn’t really a reason for you to call me. BUT she still wants the kinda privledges that she use to get. The other night when going out with a bunch of friends, she still expected me to take her home and expected that her friend get out of the front seat of my car and give way for her. I don’t get what she wants. It seems like she just wants to be friend but still want privledges. Does that even work? She goes she still cares for my wellbeing because she feels partially reasonable for whats happening to me now, but it’s like…i really don’t know what she’s actually feeling. She goes to me that “I’ve almost completely gotten over you” It’s only been like 2 weeks. My friend goes that she’s probably lying, but i’m just thinking, is it possible to get over a 4yr serious relationship in just 2 weeks, whilst already making out with another guy in just a couple of days after the breakup. And I know her, she is a sensitive and emotional girl. But at the moment I don’t know what’s going through her mind and the way she’s acting just doesn’t seem like her. From the information here what sort of analysis can you make Joe? Please help me out here. Thanks
Joe says:
April 29, 2008 at 7:13 pm
First, It’s not easy to get over any relationship and 4 years is 4 years. However, you don’t know at exactly what point she actually mentally became less involved in your relationship. My sense, judging from her behavior, is that she might just be trying extra hard to make it look like she’s not interested in you. Your incidents with other girls might have prompted her need to show you that the door swings both ways. Everyone has different ways of expressing pain and anger. She probably doesn’t exactly know exactly what she’s feeling or why she’s acting a certain way. Co with the flow for a while. In other words don’t press the issue. Give her some space and when and if you feel she might have become more “normal” then weigh in with your relationship and test the waters. It’s like waiting for the water to warm-up before you can swim in it. It takes patience and sometimes it never warms up. Good luck.