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How Can I Get Her Back?

Ask FreeloveMD | March 17, 2008

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I’ve known my ex fiancée for 6 years and we’ve been off and on for those 6 years. Throughout this relationship I tried to be over controlling. Usually the reason we fight is her insecurity and wanting me to do things a different way but for the past 6 months its been my insecurity. I haven’t liked her friends so I have really been insecure about that, and I was so insecure about it that I neglected to get her what she wanted for Christmas and her birthday.

I’ve also tried to just split up with her but she wouldn’t let me go. This past weekend I really left her, I wouldn’t talk to her, I avoided her completely and since then I have really missed her and I never thought I would. It is like they say, you don’t know what you have until its gone. So I have tried to call her and but now she has a new man, and her friends say she is better off without me.

Is there anything I can do or say to convince her that I am sorry about how bad the past few months of our relationship was and somehow get her to come back? Is there anything I can do? I can’t stand to lose her.

Well it sounds like you’ve burned some bridges in the typical fashion. First, you’ve not listened to her needs with her friends and tried to control the situation then the missed presents etc. It’s been about you. Then she said it’s going to be about me. Then when she did this you were surprised to find you still wanted to be with her( make sure this is not just an ego getting even thing and you really want to be with her).

You need to clean the slate and start over. But this is easier said than done after you’ve both inflicted pain on each other. Start slow as if you were just beginning the relationship and try to build it back gradually. You may or may not start with a conversation explaining why things got to where they are. Either way you can’t expect immediate results, but if you’re sensitive to her needs and show you are (not just lip service) then the relationship will evolve to a point. What that point is only time will tell. The fact that you’ve been with each other for six years and you say she was your fiancée means there must have been some chemistry. Good luck.

This question was answered by Joe, a love expert and FreeloveMD contributor.

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