He Wants Me To Act Like His Wife
Ask FreeloveMD | December 2, 2007
6 Comments
My boyfriend and I have been in a secure committed relationship for 3 years now. He is older and more financially secure than I am. Lately I have been feeling like he is rushing me to do things such as cooking more and I don’t mind doing it. I’m just not ready to do the “wifey things” yet because I’m not his wife. He wants me to be more of a wife figure to him. How do I satisfy him and still make sure that I am comfortable in my skin? Am I wrong for not wanting to do the “wife” things for him?
Just tell him how you feel. If you were his wife you would do more “wife things” as you call them. Until then, you don’t feel obligated to do all of these chores. You should also realize you are feeding into a stereotype by referring to household chores as “wife duties”.
More and more today’s household chores are becoming less “wife duties” and more a shared commitment by both sides to get the chores done. This will often depend on who is working less or who has the time for these chores. The housekeeper role is becoming less gender specific as society progresses, and this is a good thing.
charlotte says:
December 3, 2007 at 10:03 pm
I guess my question to you would be how old are you and how old is he? Also do you live together? I mean really im not saying this in a bad way. But, if you live with him. I mean come on dont you think you should do stuff like that. I guess if he carries you threw your life like finacially then you should like do something around the house. I dont know that just how i see it. sorry if thats not what you want to hear.
Good Luck from North Dakota…
Lisa says:
December 20, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I’m assuming this is a committed serious relationship and you’ve been in it for 3 long years. Perhaps he’s testing you out to see if you’re wife material. If you don’t want to do the “wifey things” now after 3 years why would a marriage certificate change things. With all due respect perhaps you don’t ever want to be a wife and do wife duties. Of course I’m a believer in the man pitching in to help with these sorts of things like dishes, house cleaning, laundry and other household chores. I’m in a somewhat serious relationship with a man who’ve I’ve noticed doesn’t want to lift a finger to help out with the “wifey duties” which I think really ought to be called “wifey/husbandy duties. Even if the man works full time and usually the woman does also I still thing the man ought to do his part and I’m not just talking about yard work either like my poor very busy big sister’s husband has my big sister thinking he only has to be responsible for “outside” work. My bf is very religious and believes this same type of nonesense. I’m a believer in our Lord and I don’t think the Lord would mind the man helping the woman or even the woman helping the man with the outside chores either. Anyways back to your situation, you need to decide if you really want to be with this guy and in the future marry him. If he has no good intention of marrying you after 3 years, it’s time you left him anyways. And if you feel like you never want to wait on him at all or cook at least some of the meals for him perhaps you don’t really love him or want to be his wife and you ought to be the one to leave. Hope I’ve not offended you in anyways. My intent is only to help. Sorry if I didn’t sound more supportive. God Bless and lots of luck to you!
Dee says:
December 29, 2007 at 12:10 am
This has become a problem for me and my boyfriend as well. We have been together for three years and we do not live together. Often times he wants me to come over and cook for him (in his kitchen and not bring the food that I have cooked in mine) He wants me to help him run errands amongst other things. I dont mind this sometimes but lately I have felt like I didnt want to do the ‘wifey duties’ because we arent married. I feel like if he wants me to be his wife he should make that step because I dont want to do that for him and then later on he desides he isnt looking to get married. I feel like I will have wasted my time doing all of these ‘wifey duties’. Expecially since he isnt doing any ‘hubby duties’.
Lee says:
January 5, 2008 at 6:11 pm
From a males point of view. If he wants you to be act as he wife, then he should act as a husband, paying bills, doing repairs, taking out the trash. Hey he can’t expect for you to take these responsiblities.
Dee T says:
January 25, 2008 at 12:00 am
U definitely should make sure this is someone u desire to be with. I agree with the last comment made, he probably is “testing the waters” to see what type of wife u’ll be. Let him know how you feel and alot of christian men, do feel like women should “cook and clean and be basically his Stepford wife”-don’t feed into the stereotypes, let him know what u want and what u won’t tolerate.
sweetlovestory says:
February 1, 2008 at 12:35 am
Coming from a guys point of View (I don’t claim I represent all guys view, just my own view), I think you should talk about it with him. Open communication is very important in a relationship. Too many times woman fails to tell her man what she thinks, and when it comes to a boiling point, breakup seems the only way out. Woman tends to ‘hope’ that man know how they feel, but no, we don’t. We are too logical to understand your feelings until you tell us. So, talk about it openly, do not feel oblige to do certain things, or compromise quietly. If you are compromising on certain things, make sure he knows about it, or he may just take it for granted. Help him to better appreciate you.