Do I Tell Him?
Ask FreeloveMD | September 18, 2007
10 Comments
I really like this guy. We have connected on a really deep level. Things are not based on physical attraction. The problem is he has a girlfriend. I respect that but I hate having to hide my feelings. It is the only thing I haven’t been honest about, even though it’s never come up in conversation. Do I keep hiding it or tell him?
If you keep hiding it there is a chance he will eventually break up with her and you can make your move. If you tell him there is a chance it could ruin your friendship and potential relationship. He will feel awkward and not know how to act around you. Therefore it is probably best to wait for now.
If you eventually decide to tell him you must respect the relationship he is in. Tell him you have strong feelings for him and you wanted to let him know because it was driving you crazy. You also completely understand and respect that he is in a relationship. You do not expect him to break up with his girlfriend or have the same feelings for you. This is risky, but it could end up paying off if he feels the same way about you.
Anonymous says:
September 19, 2007 at 12:01 pm
I’m kind of in the same boat you are. I’ve had feelings for this girl at work for a long time but I let my shyness get the best of me. One day at work a co-worker of mine just told her that i liked her out of the blue. I found out that she had been dating another guy for about two weeks. She and I still work at the same place and get along pretty well, I think she knows I still have strong feelings towards her. I wand to tell her but cant seem to assemble the courage, i’m afraid of her reaction.
Jes says:
September 24, 2007 at 7:11 pm
I was in the same boat as you.
So I told him, and it turns out he liked me too and his current gf and him were on the rocks, he waited for her to break up with him (which she periodically did)and he didnt take her back. Tomorrow is our 1 year and i’ve never been happier.
Steve S. says:
November 14, 2007 at 4:15 pm
I am in the same situation. With a slight twist. The woman happens to be my nurse. She is professionally obligated to come see me right now. I have said how I feel about her but can’t seem to get her to say anything back. I know its probably because of the situation but I still feel very much in limbo for the time period after she is no longer obligated professionally. I know she is single and she told me once she was dating somebody. Anyway I am playing the waiting game before I really say anything and make it clear how I feel. I think she thinks I’m joking around.
Amie says:
November 14, 2007 at 5:08 pm
I am in the same boat that you are exactly. I told him how I felt and he did not take it well. We where friends before we became lovers and he was in a marriage and I a long term relationship. It has been a few weeks since I told him how I felt but just the other day he told me that he wanted to just be friends. My advice to you don’t make the same mistake that I made let him make the first move with it. You may be telling him something that he does not want to hear from you.I do hope that things work better for you then they are for me right now.
Jia says:
December 11, 2007 at 4:55 pm
In my opinion, you should just tell him. You’ll feel better just knowing that the ball is in his court. There are a lot of “what ifs” being discussed here. We only have one life to live, don’t let there be any “what would have happened” in your life. You’ll feel relieved after you tell him. Yes, it may end your relationship with him. But it may also open up another door, where he shares similar feelings but was too shy and nervous to tell you. Wouldn’t you simply want to know?
Lisa says:
December 30, 2007 at 2:28 pm
Unbelievable the way people think today. It’s a sad state and not so Christian state so many of you are living in today. For one thing; if you have someone in your life (gf, bf, sig other or spouse) and you are not happy with them. You have the guts to break-up first before looking elsewhere. It’s not a good idea for someone who is involved with someone else to have friends of the opposite sex who they could become attracted to or they already are attracted to them. And if they see it could go that way then they need to not see that particular friend anymore. This is if they care anything about their present romantic relationship at all. People where are your morals? Do you have good principals and values? It’s kind of like oh well I’ll stay with my present romanic interest until somebody better comes allot. Now a person with true integrity doesn’t think this way. A person with good values breaks up with the person they no longer want to be with before they start something with somebody else. You can’t be just friends with someone who you are attracted by. It could be your attracted to their personality or their looks or both but it’s still attraction. Just friends is plain and simple just friends. Friendship is something that is not going to go beyond just friendship. Some people don’t know the definition of “friend”. It does present problems having a special friend of the opposite sex when you have someone romantic in your life. You can tell yourself all you want that it doesn’t present any problems but then you are kidding yourself. And the person it really hurts is your gf, bf, or sig other. Stop the pain and be a best friend to no one else but your sig other. Sure you can have other friends (male or female) but I mean go out with them for maybe an hr and no more then like 1 or 2 times a week but don’t give them to much time. They are not of priority. Your sig other always should come first.
Lisa Schaefer says:
December 30, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Please allow me to comment since I didn’t really comment on what you said before. For starters your guy friend shouldn’t be connecting with you on a deep, intimate level if he has a girlfriend. Why’s he not connecting deep with his gf? Do you have any respect for your own fellow woman (his girlfriend)? And apparently from the sound of it you don’t or you would consider that you might contributing to them breaking up and the pain you will be causing the other woman by doing so. The right thing for you to do would be to discontinue any contact/communication with him. At this point you might as well tell him you have love feelings for him. And then tell him that under the circumstances you don’t feel it’s right to see him anymore because of your romantic feelings toward him and that he can’t reciprocate since his is unavailable. Unavailable = he has someone in his life
Lisa says:
December 30, 2007 at 2:56 pm
He and others like him. They want to have their cake and eat it to. Things just don’t work well this way. In the end someone always gets hurt.
Shanie82 says:
January 13, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I would just like to comment to what Lisa said, I do agree with you overall, but you fail to realise that sometimes life isnt as black and white as you seem to be putting it- sometimes friendships evolve- you may not have intended to have romantic feelings for that person, but feelings can develop overtime- I however do agree that if this does occur, it is best to put space between you and your friend so as to prevent anything from truly developing. Your BF. GF sig other is an important person in your life- however, they should not be the only friend in your life- (what happens when you break up?) This situation can happen to anyone- Christian or non believer- this doesnt necessarally mean the person has no morals- however if the choose to cheat on the person they are with, then yes the line has been crossed, however guarding who you attract and are attracted to is not an issue of morals but of simple human feelings- perhaps you can try to see the gray in the situation and not be so judgemental
Mike says:
March 4, 2008 at 3:03 pm
If he breaks it off with his girlfriend and you are even the smallest reason behind it, whats to say he won’t do the same to you. If he is taken you gotta suck it up and hope he becomes single. Love hurts. You can either keep some hope and a little pain by not telling him, or you can tell him and run the risk of having no more hope and a whole lot of pain.