Boyfriend Won’t Say I Love You
Ask FreeloveMD | April 9, 2007
16 Comments
My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven months now. He is twenty-six and I am twenty. His longest relationship is five years and that ended five years ago. Since then his longest is 4 months with a few one night stands. Anyways, in the five year relationship he had, she cheated on him. So we haven’t said I love you. I told him I loved him, but he told me he will take a bit longer to say it. Is that wrong. My friends keep telling me that i should dump him and because that isn’t right. But we talk about moving in with each other and we are taking a trip together. We also have talked about if we get married and such. I don’t know what to do. Can you guys help please.
Your friends need to relax. It is OK that he hasn’t said I love you yet. It has only been seven months. Some people are ready faster than others, and he is probably feeling especially vulnerable after his 5 year relationship went bad. Give him time and don’t pressure him about it. Eventually it will come out naturally. Just have fun with him and forget about it. If another year goes by and he still hasn’t said it you might need to start worrying.
maria says:
April 9, 2007 at 6:12 pm
I think you need to relax a little… you are 20 years old and talking about marriage. How can you talk about marriage with a man who isn’t even sure he loves you. I think the bigger issue is with you and not your BF. Is he good to you and does he treat you well, if so then just enjoy the relationship and stop trying to push it too fast.
Frazer says:
April 10, 2007 at 10:01 am
I agree with Maria 20 is too young to get married I am 22 and am in my first relationship since highschool and that romance ended bad.
I personally believe that no one in this day and age should get married b4 they are 30y/o. With the devorce rate puching 50% I beleive it is too much to put at risk when your so young and unexperianced. You need life experiance and maturity you and I dont have to get married.
Rock On and take care.
Michael says:
April 11, 2007 at 12:24 pm
ok first off you can get married whenever you want too don’t listen to statistics, but you should just take things slowly he obviously was emotionally hurt from that relationship. it will take time because he is unsure of what love is after what happened to him. the worst thing you could do is break up with him cuz he wont say i love you. its just something you need to work through. GOT IT? i am 19 years old and i am in love with the most wonderful girl. we have only been going out for 2 and a half months and she had the same kind of thing happen to her. We are working through it so take my advice things will get better.
Stephanie says:
May 2, 2007 at 3:29 pm
You should talk to him more and maybe see how he’s feeling because the more you say it, it could be bothering him that he feels he wants to say it back but is unsure. Ok I’m 18 and my boyfriend and I started going out 9 months ago. After about 3 months we were saying “I love you” and sometime after that I thought I was pregnant and that ended really bad but it turned out I wasn’t about 4-5 months he stopped telling me he loved me and we ended up breaking up for 2 months. We got back together and he still hasn’t told me he loves me, and sometimes I feel bad like maybe I’m not being loved at all but the truth is I know he does or else he wouldn’t have gotten back with me and if your boyfriend had been with you that long then he obviously has feelings for you and if you feel you are perfect together to where you want to0 get married then matbe he’s saving those words for a special moment.
Simple says:
May 12, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Its been such a short time and the relationship is still a little new. The only thing you should ask yourself is. Am I getting what I need? I am in a relationship with a guy who says he loves me, but words are words, actions speak louder than words. My soon to be ex guy, doesnt hug me when he sees me, he also doesnt kiss me when he sees me. He doesnt like to cuddle and theres more. I love him, but perhaps hes not capable of love. Therefore I will never get what I want in this relationship. So if you have wonderful moments together and he hugs and kisses you and truely shows you admiration. Hes worth it. Then wait for those three little words, it will be worth it.
Shana says:
May 21, 2007 at 3:55 am
You have to give him time. And why are you trying to rush into “love”? Not all relationships have to be based on falling in love, enjoy the ride for Chrissakes. I’m 20 as well, so I can relate to you. But real love is rare, you can’t just fall in love with anyone you date, regardless of how long you’ve been dating. And if he’s not telling you he loves you yet, at least he has enough respect to not lie to you, rather than make you think you have even more to look forward to when he’s not thinking the same thing. So like I said, just relax and enjoy the ride.
William says:
June 28, 2007 at 4:13 pm
As I have already found out about people coming out of a long term relationship into another fresh one its that saying “I Love You” really does take some time. Those that say it within the first month might not exactly mean it but then again some could. My boyfriend wont let me say “I Love You” because he doesn’t want to feel like he is holding me back from my life. But as we discussed a few nights ago if I have something to say I should. So I told him, But it will still take some time for him to say it back.
Don’t worry about not hearing it right away. Like many people have said. When he’s ready he will say it and it will come out naturally.
Ms. Fifteen says:
September 22, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I just want to say that your boyfriend is on the stage of adjusting, I guess.. His refusal to say I love you doesn’t mean that he don’t love you as much as you love him. I can say that love is not expressed by simply saying “I love you”. Remember that actions speak louder than words. Just wait for that magic word my friend. It will just come at the right place, and at the right time, and if that time comes, you will surely be happy and feel good about it. You know that when he finally says those words with honesty and sincerity, that it all came from his heart…
zenn says:
August 20, 2008 at 5:32 am
i think they are right your young and you should enjoy your time together not pushing him to marry you, it is better to wait on the right time than to wait for nothing.be happy stay cool.
smartiepants says:
October 4, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I think that some people fall in love quickly, and others take time. If someone was hurt in the past, it may take time for him to say it. However, more importantly, how does he trea t you?
Is he gentle? kind? generous? attentive? does he fight fairly? Does he communicate? Are you feeling the love? Do you believe him? Has he ever lied to you or hurt you?
Even if you think you can’t live without him, you can. Even if you believe that if you love him unconditionally, he may love you, he may not. But then again, he may.
You may have to find strength you didn’t know you had, and give this guy some space. If he comes back to you, he’s yours.
Christi says:
November 7, 2008 at 12:26 pm
i agree with simple. it is so true that actions speak louder than words. my past relationship was terrible and he said ‘i love you’ within the first month. at first, it seemed sincere and i was lovestruck but after awhile of getting to know him in depth, i realized he was a hateful, selfish person. my ex’s last relationship ended about 5 years before he met me so i think he had a lot of alone time which made him cold in the end. when he said ‘i love you’, i felt in the back of my mind that he was saying it just to say it or saying it to hear it back.
i do agree that actions speak louder than words. i told my boyfriend now that i loved him first and i meant it. he didn’t say it back because i think he’s afraid to and that he just wants to take it slow. its fine with me though because he is a wonderful boyfriend and his actions prove to me that he cares. we snuggle, kiss, go for walks in the park together, watch our favorite TV show every week…all those good things that a relationship should be. it’s nice to hear ‘i love you’ yes…but the truth is if you don’t feel it, it is just said in vain.
my parents like my boyfriend now and they hated my ex. you know how you feel and your family always knows what’s best for you. listen to your heart and your parents advice. they will always be there for you.
misty says:
May 23, 2009 at 10:54 pm
I’ve been married almost a year my husband has never said he loves me I don’t know what to do when I ask him why he don’t say it he just says if he didn’t he wouldn’t be here help I don’t know what to do.
Marie says:
May 31, 2009 at 10:28 pm
I was reading all the comments… and well i have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, we have had our ups and downs and i want to settle and hes just very focused on his career and such we are 22 and 26, I support him 1000% of the time , i tell him i love him… hes technicly my first love but he doesnt say it back. listen when you love someone , you let them be who they are, and if that doesnt work for you , you try to comprimise and meet people half way aslong as the result makes you both happy… we all go threw diffrent things in life in order to learn from those situations. When hes ready he will tell me he loves me untill then, him showing he loves me is good enough. Because i love him for who he is, actions speak much louder then words.. i rather have someone in my life that is honest with me and shows me he loves me , then tells me he does and the momment he leaves my house is going to see another girl when hes really suposed to be going to see his mom. Hope i helped a lil.
just remember honest communication is key.
Harry Axe says:
June 10, 2009 at 4:18 am
communication is key
communication is key
and communication is key
Anastasia says:
November 13, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Hey Misty-I’m in the same boat almost. My fiance says he loves me back, but does’t show it. He is always trying to find ways to blame me for somethingl. He complains alot about what I do is wrong and that I don’t love him even though I’m not doing anything behind his back or anything, but he always finds ways to start an argument, but then he says he loves me and otherwise “he wouldn’t be here”. We have a one year old daughter together and he doubts even that and I’m at a loss as to what to do to keep from arguing and make him believe me that I do love him?
Tiffany says:
March 4, 2010 at 3:45 pm
My husband will say “Love you” but never “I” love you”, when he says it to me it is almost like he is NOT personally directing it toward me…it is like a shy, singing “love you bayba”, never looking me in the eyes, like I do him saying (meaning) I genuinely love you.