He Is Depressed and It Is Just Getting Worse
Ask FreeloveMD | June 2, 2009
3 Comments
My boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago and told me he’s been depressed for two months and its just getting worse. Two of his friends passed away about the time his depression started, two months ago, and changes in his behavior began about a month ago. He distanced himself from me and everyone else. He told me he didn’t think he was going to feel better anytime soon and he didn’t want to hurt me anymore by the way he was acting. I asked him if we were going to get back together when he deals with his problems and he told me he would call me when he was feeling better. For now he says he wants to be alone. I feel like I have some unanswered questions about the relationship/breakup and he refuses to talk to me about it. A couple of days ago I told him I missed him and he got upset. Yesterday he told me he was bored with his life. I mentioned that I have asked him to go out with me and he always just tells me ’someday soon’. Someday soon is so unspecific- I’ve used that phrase and ‘we’ll see’ before so someone would leave me alone, but I don’t know if that’s the same way he’s using it. I don’t want to nag him and push him farther away but I also don’t want to find out, after waiting for him, that he really only wants to be friends. Should I ask him if he’s really planning on getting back together or wait a little longer to see how his mood changes? What do you think is going on in his head about the relationship?
Desire'e McPherson says:
June 15, 2009 at 10:13 am
Hi , I really wanted to answer your question because although hes depressed ,you’ve done all in your power to let him know that you’re there FOR him , he knows that yet he keeps pushing you away . If I were you , (keep in mind I understand PTSD,Manic Depression,and anxiety disorders very well ) the last thing you’d want to do in that case is push the only one who is”really” there for you away! Now , please do me a favor , and do something for yourself alright ? He may be using whats happened to him as an excuse to be by himself and push people away , or just you . Or he may need time to get his thoughts coordinated about him Life , because of what has happened to him friends. Just do this one thing for yourself , (stop calling him for at least a month ) I know it sounds like such a long time when you are in love with someone , but you really do want to make sure that he is in love with you too .
You know that saying about the bird and letting it go , and if it comes back to you it loves you? Well , its the same kind of thing here . You’ve been there for him , you’ve done things for him , you’ve done what you could to make sure he was comfortable and if that wasn’t good enough you should be saving that energy for someone who would love and appreciate you for it instead of making everything about him , YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE THE SWEET WITHOUT THE SOUR < BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH SOUR , THE SWEET WILL BE SO MUCH SWEETER WHEN ITS MOSTLY SOUR ALL OF THE TIME AND SWEET RARELY. Thats why you might be stuck with this guy? I would just beg you to do this one thing , since you’ve done enough to put yourself in the hurt zone , its time for you to stop calling him , and make it his priority to reach out , which he will feel comfortable in reaching out to you when he wants because of the way you’ve always been there for him ! Just wait a month please?! IF he doesn’t call you ,then move on , I know that sounds harsh and you love him , but geez honey , you’ve done what you could do , all that you could do , its time for someone to start making sure that you’re alright , that you’re taken care of , and that your ok ? You’ve probably been emotionally neglecting yourself in order to keep this partnership , relationship alive,think about how this would work out if you guys were married ? Could this still be happening if you were married , would he run away without a REAL explanation then ? In fact, he could not run away because a Husband and Wife are suppose to communicate ,and your husband is suppose to be your best fried . Not someone who will run away at the suggestion of any underlying trouble overhead . Please take this advice, and then share with me what happened if you do ,it dezzy79 at msn dot com. SO e-mail me if you need to ok ? Ok hon , hang in there and remember , everything happens for a reason , and true love is always kind with open arms and an open heart . Ups and downs yes , but you would be inseparable especially with events like this happened . I’ve been married for six years now , and we are best friends, we have been inseparable ,and we would definitly be there for each-other if this happened to one of us. Yet every relationship is different.And what sign are you : What sign is he ? That might make up a huge compatiblilty factor hon , k ? Having Faith For You , Desire’e McPherson
emily says:
July 9, 2009 at 5:48 am
i tried emailing you but you didnt respond =[
Shelly says:
August 19, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Whoa! Wait!! This may be too late, but I totally agree with the expert person on this. Sorry Mcpherson. I’m in my late 20’s and I went through the same thing your boyfriend did and pushed everyone away, except I didn’t truly understand at first what I was going through. I couldn’t specifically say what was wrong in my life, except I was going through a lot of stresses which is what I think lead to my depression. I hid it from everyone. When I started being vocal about how i was feeling to my boyfriend of 3 years, he immediately tried to fix it, but he couldn’t and I didn’t want him to. I just wanted him to know that it wasn’t him, it wasn’t anything, I just was depressed and could barely get through the day. He didn’t fully understand there was nothing he could do, So I pushed him away, and distanced myself from my close family and friends. Until finally I broke down one day after work and started crying and I couldn’t stop. I called my parents and they came over and comforted me until I fell alseep. The next morning my dad took me to the doctor. He is the best man I know, and my hero and explained to me on the way, that he went through the same thing a year ago. I never knew–no one did, except my mom. It’s just caused by chemical imbalance in your brain, that makes you feel depressed. The doctor put me on a low dose of medication to balance me out, and I never felt better. I felt normal again. My relationship with my boyfriend was stronger than ever because I felt myself again. The point of my story is no one can understand what your boyfriend is going through except him and he may not even know himself. He may think he’s doing the right thing by pushing you away, but he still needs you. Just let him know that you will give him as much time as he needs, but you are there for him, if he wants to talk, or just to be together without talking or explaining how he’s feeling. Also, try to get him to see a doctor. It changed my life! I was too embarrassed at first to ask for help, but when I saw someone like my dad who had to do the same thing, I had a lot of respect for that. Once, he gets passed that, he’ll realize that its very common and a lot of people go through it and need a little extra help. The more people that told me their stories, the better I felt and the better I got. Also–It takes more than 2 weeks…. If he takes medicine, they suggest not stopping for 6 months so it doesn’t come back. And thats all I needed. Good luck!